- - - - 826 WRITING & TUTORING CENTERS - - - - Perfect for Mother's Day: the Baby Be of Use series or The Secret Language of Sleep. - - - - New Yorkers: On Tuesday, May 20, at 8 p.m. in Park Slope, Brooklyn, 826NYC will host a discussion of Underground America: Narratives of Undocumented Lives. Speakers will include Peter Orner, Jaykumar Menon, Doug Ford, and Dave Eggers, along with, as a special guest, a narrator from the book. Space is limited, so registration is recommended. RSVP to press@mcsweeneys.net. - - - - The 2008 Amanda Davis Highwire Fiction Award, a $2,500 grant given to a woman writer of 32 years or younger, is now accepting entries. For more information, click here. - - - -
BY KATE HAHN- - - - Very doubtful. But you brought that on yourself. - - - - As I see it, yes. But when was the last time you cared what I thought? - - - - My sources say yes. And they have no reason to lie about seeing you at the mall in the middle of a school day. - - - - It is decidedly so. I just know. - - - - Outlook good. Let's see how long that lasts. - - - - Outlook not so good. See? - - - - Better not tell you now. You seem upset and I'm afraid you might do something irrational. At least that's what Time magazine says about teenagers. - - - - Signs point to yes. The incense, for one. How stupid do you think I am? - - - - Don't count on it. Or on much else if you keep going the way you're going. - - - - Yes—definitely. Oh wait, I thought that was your sister holding the ball. For you, no. - - - - Reply hazy. Try again when I'm off the phone with my boyfriend. - - - - Concentrate and ask again. I can't abide poor grammar. - - - - My reply is no. Crying won't change things. - - - - Ask again later. Maybe in 20 years, when you'll understand what you put me through. - - - - You may rely on it. Let's just hope "it" can rely on you, too. Poor "it." - - - - Yes. As long as an adult is present and your grades are good. So I guess it's actually no. - - - - Most likely. Especially if your friends are already doing it. - - - - Cannot predict now. But, if your past behavior is any indication, the results will include my picking you up at the police station at 4 a.m. - - - - It is certain. Everyone blames the mother. - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - The Magic 8 Ball Amended by My Mother for My Middle-School Years By Kate HahnThe 32 Physical Characteristics of Randy, Who Is Not the Buddha but Evidently Looks Pretty Similar to Him By Ben Greenman Word Problems for Future Hedge-Fund Managers By Bob Woodiwiss Borges Teaches Self-Defense By Susan Schorn Baby 2.0 By Ravi Mangla |
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