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Because he refuses to capitalize things that need capitalization, and
because the editor of McSweeney's is too lazy to bother with correcting
it at the moment, Glasgow Phillips's letter will be continued another
time. Until then, McSweeney's is proud to present the most important
thing we have yet presented, a little ditty called...
T H E L O V E S T O R Y O F O U R T I M E
(Intro: Near the back of each issue of Twist, a national magazine for teenage girls, is a small feature called "E-mail This Boy," where a regular sort of boy is pictured, his likes and dislikes listed, and his email address provided. In December the "E-mail This Boy" subject was Chris Eggers, a 15-year-old friend of McSweeney's with a hopeless, insatiable appetite for romance. The following are excerpts from a small fraction of the mail received -- in all, over 600 emails in about five weeks -- and which were first published in The Fuzz, a zine published by Chris and distributed to students at his high school. Though all names have been changed in the letters below, the original spelling and grammar have not. Each line-break indicates a new letter, or portion thereof. If they start to blend together after a while, that is o-kay. Note: All emails were answered in kind, and with kindness.) - - - - E-MAIL THIS BOY Say hey to our newest e-mail boy, Chris, 15 HE SAYS HE'S: Shy, athletic, and full of tender lovin'
- - - - Hey Chris,
i have some chocolate chip L-O-V-E for you I am a 20 year old that works at a High School Library I just graduated from High School. Hi my name is Amanda.I hear your favorite sport is romance.Im not sure if thet is a real sport or not. If it is what position do you play? Bonjour Chris!
I read about you in Twist magazine. To be brutally honest you sound kinda gay. It seems that you wrote all that stuff about love and romance just to get girls to e-mail you. I had a boyfriend once where his favorite movie was any shakespeare movie. My fav movie is the "Wedding Singer" because I love romantic movies. I cried. That would be just amazing if a guy sang a love song to me in front of people or just to me. You said that you hope to be a lion tamer. That is sooo cool! I've always wanted to be an elephant trainer. Hey Chris, want to go to go tame some lions while we whatch Titanic??? You are pretty cute you know for 15yrs oldOr maybbe we could go eat some chocolate chip cookies together whjile we play soccer Your secret love Paulina I think you pretty good looking and I just had one question for you. When you said your biggest pet peeve was the forces of darkness what did you mean becuse I am a Christian and belive that there are forces of darkness out there I'm just not on that side. So were you talking about the devil and his army? If so I would love to hear your point of view on the forces of darkness and light. What exactly is choclate chip love and would you be interested in giving some of my friend that· Under your favorite sport, it said romance and in parenthesis it said does that count? I don't think that that counts. but wow are you really that shy to talk to girls or that much into to romance ? its just strange ya know, ohh well anyways maybe you don't get all the girls cuz your so ahh not femine, but umm n/m. Here's another thing. I hate to type with capitals, so im gonna stop. well my name is katharine and im 15 from buffalo ny i play alot of sports and love to chill with my posse I'm still waiting for my prince charming though. HI! I saw you in So if all that you said was true, where do you come from and is there more out there and can you come teach my guy friends to be so sweet? PLEASE!!!! So how are you? I am good at the moment.
I am a figure skater, a volleyball player, I like to run, and I love
sportsmanship!!
Anyway, my dream is to be an actress, but if that doesn't work out, then I might be a forensic scientist. My name is Danielle Jacquelyn Griffin. Everyone just calls me Danielle. I sort of have this big joke going on with my friends, that if my changed my middle name to Olga, my name would be D.O.G. Female dog.....hahaha. Oh well, I still think it would be pretty cool. More tomorrow. OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
The Service Industry, Part Three The Service Industry, Part Two - - - - Letter from Glasgow No. 2: Home Entertainment Systems Five Under Five Five Fiction Awards for Writers Under Five McSweeney's The Only Gift Worthy of a Christian
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