We're ringing in the New Year with a sale: most things in our store are 20 to 30 percent off. - - - - |
C U R R E N T B A N D N A M E S BY JACK VAUGHN
Part One: "Bullets for Pussy." There is a punk-rock band with the name "Bullets for Pussy." Its meaning is elusive. This writer will be examining the band's name in this space, which will follow what I've just been saying, and will go on from here, after this sentence. "Bullets for Pussy." Is the exchange implied in this name in the form of bullets for sex? This writer doesn't know much about guns, but I imagine bullets aren't too expensive, so in this case it would be a good trade for the one receiving the sex. Unless, though, the bullets were those armor-piercing ones with the mercury in the tip -- those are expensive. Then it would be a more fair trade. Or if it were a large quantity of bullets, then the trade would also be fair. Then there's the question of who would need bullets, in what seems to be quite a pinch. My guess is that it's a woman offering the "pussy" side of the bargain. But why would this woman need bullets so quickly that she would have to sell herself in exchange for them? After all, in the time it takes to have sex, she could have run to the store and bought the bullets. Unless she had no money or was not near a store. Unfortunately, there simply is not enough information in the title for a cut-and-dried answer. Yet another frustrating tangent is that due to the fact that the woman needs bullets, logically, one would assume that the woman is in battle. But hold on! you say. Women aren't allowed into combat. The U.S. allows women to hold numerous military positions, but none require firing weaponry in combat (thereby necessitating the bullets). All very true, but who said anything about the U.S.? The Israeli army allows and maybe even requires females to be in the military for a certain period of time, and in front-line combat roles. Following this route of thinking, however, inevitably leads one down several open-ended roads which maybe too obscure to even consider. But even the above leaves untouched the options that the female is some sort of freedom-fighter-urban-guerilla type who is using her feminine wiles to obtain scarce ammo, or a secret agent who sleeps with foreign high-ups in order to get her hands on the new, high-tech bullets destined for outlaw nations. Then again, we have to consider the possibility that maybe it's a violent person who is trading his or her pet cat for the bullets. This seems implausible, but we would be making a mistake in underestimating the depths violent people would sink to, especially if they needed bullets. One is almost wont to throw up one's arms at the sheer complexity of it all! It is in consideration of this that I have regrouped and put together the following notes outlining the major non-silly or non-obscure postulates we have come up with for the name to this point: - Probability that "Pussy" = "cat": Less likely due to the lascivious thinking generally associated with "punk-rock" bands, but cannot be ruled out - Probability that "Pussy" in question is owned by or a part of a woman: high - Probability that "Pussy" in question is owned by or a part of a hermaphrodite: lower due to the world's female-to-hermaphrodite ratio, but again cannot be ruled out in deference to punk-rock bands - Possible occupations of said woman (in order of descending probability): - Israeli soldier - Freedom fighter - Carol Channing - Super spy - None of the above Even after all of this, I still find the possible explanations somehow unsatisfying and am secretly sure there is something else out there, some other reason for the name. Please rest assured that I will exhaust all options and leave no stone unturned in pursuit of an explanation. Thanks to the exploding technology advances in communications I have already formed an internet chat group to address the subject. Feel free to write for updates or with possible explanations. It is all much appreciated.
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
The Top Ten Most Censored Press Releases of 1998 Pizza Sales, Uncensored McSweeney's No.2 Currently on a slow boat from Reykjavik Randy Cohen Week My Airspace Randy Cohen Week Man Sharing
|
Red dot denotes content that is new today.
Black dot denotes newish content.