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T H R E E   T H I N G S . BY MIKE TOPP - - - - OWN YOUR OWN Have you ever dreamed about owning your own yacht or thole? You can own your own thole for less than it would cost you to own your own yacht. In fact, you can own your own thole for the same amount as a Thoth. - - - - REJECTED MAFIA NICKNAMES Vanilla Kitty Marcel Duchamp Archilochus Tony the Logical Positivist X-15 Gideon Achilles Fang - - - - AS IT TURNS OUT As it turns out they have relaxed the restrictions and I think your son should reapply. Make sure he wears protective clothing since he will most likely appear before one with a bird head, one with a rat head, and one with the head of a snake.     OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES: - - - - Reviews of Bands My Friends Are In By Kevin Guilfoile Police Report, Western Wisconsin By Jeff Johnson The 1999 Zagat Survey of My Friends By Eric McHenry Maxwell's Lyrics, Or Maxwell's Equations? By Michael Genrich Greek Lineup By Mike Topp

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