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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama.
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S E V E N T H I N G S F O R T O D A Y .
A MYSTERY When he heard that Dame Doris Goodchurch had been found, asphyxiated, behind a revolving bookcase in her secluded family estate, Inspector Chastleton's first impulse was to suspect foul play. But, as time went by, he forgot that first impulse, and eventually decided to rule it a suicide, or maybe a heart attack. He'd pick one or the other when it came time to fill out the forms. THE END
LAND'S END CATALOG COPY, WERE THEY TO SELL CANDICE BERGEN Hey, remember Candice Bergen? Sure you do! She was Murphy Brown, and now, she can be yours. Elegant and refined, comfortable and warm, like your favorite shirt, fresh from the dryer. A boon companion, quiet when you need her to be, but also willing to talk into the wee hours of the morning. Kind to animals. Speaks French. Available in Stone, Taupe, Heather, Slate. Even sizes 30-38, plus size 33. Specify inseam. $38.
THE BABY WHO WOULD GROW UP TO EVENTUALLY
SHOOT The baby who would grow up to eventually shoot Ronald Reagan gurgled. The mother of the baby who would grow up to eventually shoot Ronald Reagan cooed. Things went on like this for quite a while. Then there was a knock at the door. THE END
A BETTER NAME FOR INSTYLE MAGAZINE Pretty, Pretty, Pretty!
A DANGEROUS AFFAIR "Charles," Rita murmured, after one of their ecstatic bouts of athletic lovemaking. "I'm worried. My husband is a violent and irrational man -- but then, you should know that better than anyone, you're his brother. Don't you think he'll kill you if he finds out about this?" "Don't worry," Charles replied. "He'll never find out." And he never did. THE END
IF MICE COULD FLY: A SHORT STORY FOR CHILDREN If mice could fly, they would probably be a lot like bats.
JACK DEMPSEY MEETS ALBERT EINSTEIN "Ow," said Albert Einstein. THE END
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
Reviews of Stories I've Recently Heard By Christina Nunez Secrets of the Mystery Jew, Part Two By Neal Pollack Secrets of the Mystery Jew By Neal Pollack Three Things By Mike Topp Reviews of Bands My Friends Are In By Kevin Guilfoile |
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