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Dave Eggers' The Wild Things is available for preorder, in regular hardcover and
limited-edition fur-covered.

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T W O   T V   W E A T H E R M E N , A T   A   P O S T   O F F I C E I N   S Y R A C U S E ,   N E W   Y O R K , P A S S   T H E   T I M E I N   L I N E ,   S P E A K I N G . As hurriedly but nonetheless faithfully transcribed mere minutes after the fact by PAUL MALISZEWSKI - - - - Guy from Channel Five: Hi, Jim? Jim Barach, from channel five. Guy from Channel Nine: Oh, hi, how are you? [Jim Teske (Ch. 9) and Jim Barach (Ch. 5) shake hands, while I stand between them.] Five: Not bad, not bad. How are things with you? Nine: Things are pretty quiet today. Pretty quiet. Today's my day off. Five: Hey, I know how that goes. ... Five: I'm heading in now. I just got a call that there was a fire at Unisys. Now they're having trouble downloading any new satellite images. I don't know quite what to expect when I go in. ... Nine: So, you getting ready for your first winter? Five: [chuckling, heh heh] Well, I was here for half of last year, but it's going to be different. Nine: Different from Florida. Five: You're right about that. But I did three or four years in Kansas before that, so I know how it can get. I know about the cold but not so much the snow. It'll be different. ... Five: Jim, does your dad own a clothing store? Nine: Yeah, uh, it's over on-- Five: That's what I thought! I thought your dad owned a clothing store. I've been in there. I've seen him. Nine: Really? He never mentioned it to me. He knows everyone who comes in and out there and he's always telling me who came in. Five: Well, I was new in town. Nine: Oh. ... Five: Jim, have you been on your new set yet? Nine: Yes, I have. Yesterday. It's nice. They did a good job with it. Five: It looks nice. We got a new set too. I like how ours looks. Nine: The lighting's good. They've done a good job with the lighting. They've got us backlit better so we stand out more. Five: Right. ... Five: So what's with Eichorn [Dave Eichorn, the senior-most meteorologist at Channel Nine]? Doesn't he stick around when Mondays go late? [Referring, no doubt, to broadcasts of ABC's Monday Night Football.] Nine: He wants some time with his family. His son is five-years-old now. We won't be doing that during sweeps. Five: [chuckling knowingly, heh heh ha] Nine: Just wanted to be home early in the evenings a little bit. Five: Well, you tell him I said he's a weanie. Nine: What? Oh, okay. Five: You can tell him I said he's a big weanie. Nine: Right, okay.     OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES: - - - - Losers' Auction By Lawrence Douglas & Alexander George On This Day in History By Jason Adams Glamorous By Sylvie Callahan Ten Consecutive Corners By Ben Greenman A House for Dee Dee By Christina Nunez

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW AND HERE'S THE KICKER: MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE WINGS AT THE BALLET YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA ABOUT THANKS AND HAVE FUN RUNNING THE COUNTRY LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL