Perfect for Mother's Day: the Baby Be of Use series or The Secret Language of Sleep. - - - -

A C C U R A T E   O R N E A R L Y   A C C U R A T E U T T E R A N C E S   O V E R H E A R D A T   T H E A T R E S   S H O W I N G T O D A Y ' S   M O S T   P O P U L A R F E A T U R E   F I L M S , P R E S E N T E D   A S A   M A T C H I N G   G A M E . BY GREGORY GALLOWAY - - - - 1. The Lexus is a much better car than the Infiniti   A. Toy Story 2 2. What's she doing now? B. The Green Mile 3. She's so fucking hot C. Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo 4. Come on, that's ridiculous D. The World is Not Enough 5. Even rich people can get fucked up E. End of Days 6. Didn't he have expensive and dangerous plastic surgery on his jaw F. Sleepy Hollow 7. What's with the ugly beard? G. Being John Malkovich 8. That's not Cameron Diaz H. American Beauty 9. Is this supposed to be funny? I. Sweet and Lowdown 10. This is like a bad soufflé, or omelette, or something else with eggs that should be good but isn't J. Three Kings 11. That guy's crazy     12. Ron Perlman might be an ugly dwarf, but he's a rich ugly dwarf     13. This sucks     Answers: 1 - J 2 - F, H 3 - D, F, H 4 - B, C, F 5 - E, G 6 - E 7 - A, B 8 - D, F 9 - G 10 - H 11 - C, E, F, G, H, I 12 - H 13 - All     OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES: - - - - Open Letter to Antidisestablishmentarianism By Eric McHenry A D'Agostino Supermarket Receipt Found Left Inside a Copy of Denis Johnson's "Jesus' Son" by the Previous Person to Check It Out of the Library, Presumably Used as a Bookmark, and Perhaps Shedding Some Light on the Type of Person Who Reads This Book, or Perhaps Not (With Commentary) By Francis Heaney There Is No Average Day When You Live in a Port-A-Potty By Todd Butterfly Pruzan Eat the Document By Cathy Alter Manifesto for Themeless Restaurant By Peter Schooff

- - - - MAIN PAGE   |   ARCHIVES   Memories of Amanda Davis   Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST JOKES BY BRIAN BEATTY REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW SO YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT? DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS DISPATCHES FROM A HUMANITARIAN JOURNALIST DISPATCHES FROM IRAQ SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES PHILIP GRAHAM SPENDS A YEAR IN LISBON STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE NAPOLEONIC WARS AT THE MET KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT WHAT IS THE WHAT ABOUT BOWL OF CHERRIES ABOUT COMEDY BY THE NUMBERS ABOUT JOHN BRANDON'S ARKANSAS LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY DISPATCHES FROM THE NBA ENTERTAINMENT LEAGUE JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES B.R. COHEN'S ANNALS OF SCIENCE INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DISPATCHES FROM ROY KESEY, AN AMERICAN GUY MARRIED TO A PERUVIAN DIPLOMAT LIVING IN CHINA STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL