- - - -
Millard Kaufman's final novel has arrived!
Pick up Misadventure now—or, see what
you've missed out on thus far by picking up
both Bowl of Cherries and Misadventure
for 27% off the retail price.
- - - -
Because I realize that it is more difficult to read a story than to write one, I've taken a step towards clearing things up for you. I have decided to repeat any sentences that may be important. I have decided to repeat any sentences that may be important. Let's begin. Blair Forrester lived in a trailer. The trailer lived in a park called Lincoln Parkway in Hodgenville, Kentucky. It was named after a man who had freed many men from working unfairly. He was shot for it. He was shot for it. Blair was shot too, but not for the same reason, and much later. Blair was a breaker. Blair was a breaker. At parties, his parents would be talking to other parents, and the other parents would say, "Five children! How can you afford it?" And Blair's parents would say, "Well, two of 'em are breakers." And everyone would laugh. Blair was killed because he needed money. He worked at a 7-11 two blocks away from Lincoln Parkway. One night he was working overtime, filling in for a friend of his. Pay attention, this is the night Blair died. Pay attention, this is the night Blair died. That night he was sitting back in his chair reading one of the dirty magazines from behind the counter when a man came in wearing a ski mask and carrying a bag. People wear ski masks when they don't want people to know who they are. The man grabbed Blair from across the counter and told him to give him all the money in the cash register. This was called a hold-up. Blair was very frightened. Blair was very frightened. His hands were shaking and he couldn't hit the button to open the register. He had to point it out to the man in the mask. As the man filled the bag, Blair recalled stories of robbers who took the money and shot the worker on the way out, so the worker couldn't call the police. Blair put his hand around a pistol under the register, behind the counter. He had never fired it before, never fired anything. The man finished emptying the register and backed towards the door. As he turned, Blair lifted the gun and fired. His hands were shaking so violently that the shot went wide to the right. The man turned in shock. Blair fired again. This time the recoil sent the shot careening above the man's head. The second shot broke the electric eye that opened the automatic door. The second shot broke the electric eye that opened the automatic door. Since the electric eye was broken, the man couldn't flee. Since the electric eye was broken, the man couldn't flee. The man turned on Blair. He reached into his bag as Blair struggled to aim the gun again. He fired again, aiming too low, hitting the man in the calf. The man had pulled his own gun out of his bag and shot Blair in the head. The man was caught and sentenced to death. The man was caught and sentenced to death. The most common birth control device is the condom. The condom is a piece of latex that prevents a man's sperm from entering a female. However, since the condom is a very thin piece of latex, it tends to break every so often. In Hodgenville, Kentucky, if a women is impregnated because of a broken condom, her child is called a breaker. Blair Forrester was a breaker. Blair Forrester was a breaker.
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
Eighteen Half Truths By Christopher Painter Tom Landry, Existentialist, Dead at 75 By Sarah Vowell The Ten Worst Films of 1942; As Reviewed by Ezra Pound Over Italian Radio By Greg Purcell Election 2000, as seen from Chile By Marc Herman Conversations While Canvassing For Bill Bradley in Small New Hampshire Towns By David Gaffen |
Red dot denotes content that is new today.
Black dot denotes newish content.
