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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama.
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To: mcsweeneysmail@yahoo.com
Re: Paul Maliszewski's quest for a Mars globe. Paul, your phone-based search may have been fruitless, but thanks to the wonder and the majesty and the glory of the Information Super Highway, one can find a miniature Mars in moments. Go to www.spacetrader.com/globe.htm You will find the following options:
The Confounding Atomic Man,
- - - - Date: Fri, 03 Mar 2000
Dear McSweeney's,
Cheers!
http://www.charm.net/~kparker - - - - Date: Fri, 03 Mar 2000
Globes of Mars do exist. http://aspsky.org/catalog/oa194.html http://aspsky.org/catalog/oa185.html David Hite - - - - Date: Fri, 03 Mar 2000
God, what whining drivel. Moderate level of amusement with people who seemed to not know what a "globe" was. Get off the phone, get on the net and buy your globe. Go It's 89.00 It took me under 30 seconds to find this online via www.av.com Here's another:
Have a day. - - - - From: "Adam Kuban"
I'm sure you've already gotten a lot of messages regarding the Mars globe item on your Web site, but here's one more to pass on to Mr. Maliszewski: A link to buy a (admittedly small) Mars globe --http://keepernsol.com/products.html#Small Mars Globes Regards,
- - - - Date: Fri, 3 Mar 2000
Please let Paul Maliszewski know that I bought a globe of Mars in the 70's at the Adler Planetarium in Chicago when I was in third grade. If you want the exact date, it's whenever the King Tut exhibit was at the Field Museum. I went with my neighbor Lisa Pine and her mom. Anyway, the globe is metal, and about 6" in diameter.Unfortunately, it's in a box in a storage facility in Indianapolis so I can't tell you who made it. Maybe a joint venture between NASA and Mercator. David Lytle
- - - - From: Kevin Hogan
http://www.spacetrader.com/globe.htm Globes: Whether you are planning your dream vacation across the oceans or out of this world, chart
your course on our relief globe of the earth or plan your landing site on our globe of the moon. Let your
mind drift as you gaze into the swirling clouds
covering planet earth. Additional styles of globes are available.
Kevin Hogan
- - - - From: Kevin Hogan
Forgive the multiple e-mails but I also had to mention that while Mr. Maliszewski might have trouble buying a Mars globe, he can rent one from NASA. For full-color photo of model, go to (http://www.jsc.nasa.gov/pao/exhibits/models.html) Description follows: Mars Globe
Components
Requirements
There are some rather lengthy requirements for the temporary acquisition of said planet however: from (http://www.jsc.nasa.gov/pao/exhibits/requirements.html) IMPORTANT
REQUIREMENTS
Exhibit Application
NAME OF EVENT __________________________
Thank you-- - - - - Date: Fri, 03 Mar 2000
To Paul Malisewski: The Sky & Telescope Mars Globe Our 12-inch scale model of the red planet depicts more than 100 identified features as well as the major bright and dark regions visible from Earth. It was produced by Sky & Telescope in collaboration with NASA and the U.S. Geological Survey. Comes with a clear pedestal and an information booklet. 39214 $84.95 Found at http://store.skypub.com. Somewhere else on the web I read that "This globe is the only one thus far published based upon the results of the Viking missions." So presumably it doesn't have marked on it all the crash sites of NASA's recent Mars probes. Nor, I imagine, does it show all the canals. This I found in five minutes on the World Wide Web. The best part: I didn't have to talk to anyone at OfficeMax. - - - - Date: Fri, 03 Mar 2000
I found a Mars globe on the Web in about thirty seconds of search time after reading that stupid Mars
globe story. It took me less time to find the globe then it took me to read the article. Conclusion: the
author is incompetent.
- - - - Date: Fri, 3 Mar 2000
http://www.spacetrader.com/globe.htm - - - - From: Craig Tobey
You can get a Venus globe there too, less than $100/globe.Please pass along the info to Mr. Maliszewski. Regards, Craig Tobey - - - - From: "Leibel, Matt"
Dear McSweeneys:
It comes from a company called Hugg-a-Planet, which bills itself as the official planet of the new Millenium (in case you didn't get the Memo), and is called Hugg-a-Planet Mars. The description of the product on the Web site is as follows: "Visit The "Red Planet" Mars. Over 400 places labeled. Is proportional to Classic Earth. Comes with a fact sheet of the planet mars. The most detailed globe of Mars available." That final claim seems pretty safe, since, as chronicled by Mr. Maliszewski, the market for Martian globes is as barren as the dry, crater-laden landscape of the Red Planet itself. Hugg-a-Planet Mars comes in a box that looks like a combination of a milk carton and a toy rocket. It may or may not be inflatable--it's kind of hard to tell from the picture. It costs $14.95 and usually ships the next business day.Perhaps it is the poetic muse to which David Berman refers. Matt Leibel
- - - - Date: Fri, 03 Mar 2000
Regarding the piece by PAUL MALISZEWSKI in the 3/3 on-line McSweeney's -
Larry Hirshberg,
- - - - Date: Fri, 03 Mar 2000
Please, Mr. Maliszewski: Do not fret. Your quest is at an end. By dint of the Excite search engine, I have located not one but two globes of Mars. Both are available for purchase. One is small. Only four-and-three-fourths inches in diameter. For a globe, that strikes me as very small. Almost silly-small. I imagine it looks like a jawbreaker. I bet people are always making that mistake. I bet these little Mars globes get licked a lot. At any rate, these little guys cost $14.95, and can be purchased at www.keepernsol.com/products.html. A globe of Mars of a more conventional sizeÐtwelve inches in diameterÐcan be bought at store.skypub.com. Of course, conventional size does not come cheap: these things are $84.95 each. But I guess, as globes go, that isn't wildly steep. And, according to the site's description of them, NASA had a hand in making the things, so they're probably fairly accurate. Here's the site's description: "Our 12-inch scale model of the red planet depicts more than 100 identified features as well as the major bright and dark regions visible from Earth. It was produced by Sky & Telescope [an astronomy magazine] in collaboration with NASA and the U.S. Geological Survey. Comes with a clear pedestal and an information booklet." I hope this information has restored some of your faith in the blue planet. You can go back to reading your poetry now. Toodle-oo, Ed Page - - - - From: Ben Weiner
Dear McSweeney's, Paul Maliszewski seems to think that just because he read about a globe of Mars in a poem by Some Poet Guy, he should be able to just run off and _buy_ a globe of Mars at the mall or better yet over the phone with his all-powerful credit card, no doubt.What's the matter with him?Hasn't he ever heard of poetic license?Or maybe some person made a damn globe of Mars with his bare hands, or by coloring on a volleyball with a red magic marker (Mars is round, which shape can be approximated by a volleyball, or a basketball though I think you will find basketballs more difficult to color).Maybe you can't BUY everything, Paul. It's this sort of immediate gratification impulse, this rage to consume, this insatiable need to own everything one has ever heard of, this irrational exuberance, that keeps our economy going and people happy enough so they don't do something stupid like elect Pat Buchanan President. In solidarity, Ben Weiner Carnegie Observatories P.S.Globes of Mars are sold by the Astronomical Society of the Pacific, http://www.aspsky.org.They also sell globes of the Moon and Venus, and celestial globes.And Earth. I went to graduate school in astrophysics for six and a half years so that I could bring you this information. The Mars globes are kind of expensive, but they now sell an inflatable Mars beachball for just $10.95.Buy now! Keep Pat Buchanan on TV where he belongs! - - - - Date: Fri, 3 Mar 2000
Tell Paul Maliszewski to try here:
- - - - Date: Fri, 3 Mar 2000
Dear McSweeney's Internet Tendency,
- - - - Date: Fri, 03 Mar 2000
Hey, just thought I'd try to help you out. (What else is a library assistant to do?)
- - - - Date: Fri, 3 Mar 2000
I do not wish to take away from the sublime beauty of Mr. Maliszewski's futile search for the non-existent globe of the red planet, but the Carolina Company indeed vends mighty fine renderings of planets other than our own.Taken directly from their on-line catalog, here is their description of the Mars globe: "Repogle. This 12"-diameter globe portrays Mars at a scale of 1:250,000. The color of the globe is similar to that of the Martian surface. The names of the features used are those approved by the International Astronomical Union. The detail of the Martian features are based on some 6,000 images acquired during the 1970s by NASA's twin Viking orbiters. The globe sits on a plastic stand and includes a detailed information brochure." I have no idea what "Repogle" might mean, but other than that it sounds like a pretty stylin' globe, does it not?And usless you're one of those smartypants astronomers, you might be surprised, as I was, to discover that the globe's surface ("similar to that of the Martian surface") is actually more brown than red.Kind of a romantic sepia, really.All in all, well worth the $101.95 price tag, I'd say. But wait!Put that checkbook away!You haven't even heard about the Venus globe yet! "Explore Venus with this 12" globe that has been designed using radar data from the Magellan orbitor. The globe is color coded and all of the major landforms are labeled. It was produced in cooperation with NASA and the Geological Survey. As a bonus, "Exploring Venus," a 24-page reprint from the Sky and Telescope publication, is included. The globe is invaluable for investigating faults, craters, lava plains, and "pancake" domes in 3-D. Includes 2 pairs of 3-D glasses." "Pancake" domes!3-D glasses!A 24-page reprint!No "Repogle", but, hey, we shouldn't be greedy. Sadly, however, this is where our joy over discovering planets other than our own must come to an end.Other than moon globes, the Carolina Company's non-Earth offerings end there.I suppose one planet in either direction is as far as we were ever meant to travel. Sincerely, Veronica Vichit-Vadakan - - - - From: "Zardoz"
I just finisht th entertaining search for th red planet (globe) wth some bemusement. Yes, indeed, there xists martian globes. I can safely say this because i possest one until december 1998, when it (along wth a library of a myriad volumes & about that many musical pieces, &c, &c) was destroyd by fire. I had ownd it since th late seventies or early eighties & i cannot now remember th vendor. I wld think someone like Edmund Scientific or certain school supply companies might stock it. Martian globes must not be a common item, for i never met another person wth one during all that time, but if u really desire one i am sure one can be located. Now, a jovian globe or a globe of any of th other "gaseous giants" may be another matter, due n no small part, i am sure, to th tendency of th surface presented to us to change more quickly than th surfaces of planets of terrestrial type. Good luck,
- - - - Date: Fri, 03 Mar 2000
It is only for painting radio storms and other audio weather systems. If your have brown hair it is
imperative that you were brown shoes.
- - - - Date: Fri, 03 Mar 2000
http://www.aspsky.org/catalog/images/_thumbs/oa185.jpg - - - - From: "Kerry"
Probe the planet's surface without leaving home! Celebrate mankind's renewed exploration of the red planet. Handsomely displayed on a plexigass pedestal, this striking 12" globe makes an eye-catching addition to your home or classroom. Produced in cooperation with NASA and the U.S. Geological Survey, over 100 well-known topographical features are depicted on the surface of this beautiful sphere. Includes detailed information booklet. NOTE: Oversized shipping is an additional $5. - - - - Date: Sat, 4 Mar 2000
If PAUL MALISZEWSKI is actually interested in getting globes of other planets, have him email me.I can probably help. scott - - - - Date: Sat, 04 Mar 2000
Poor PAUL MALISZEWSKI. So unfortunate that he couldn't find some extraterrestrial globes but it was worth the article. For a place to buy them that's out of this world, he needs to go to the Sky and Telescope website at http://www.skypub.com/ Richard Furno - - - - Date: Sat, 4 Mar 2000
Please forward to Paul Maliszewski, author of the recent McSweeney site article "In Search of the Red Planet." Dear Paul: I found your piece, "In Search of the Red Planet" very amusing. Well done. As I discovered today, however, they do indeed sell globes of Mars. One a little larger than a softball is available for seven bucks at the gift shop of the new Rose planetarium at the Natural History Museum, NYC. Its got all the outstanding Martian features: the polar ice caps, the volcano Olympus Mons, and the sites of the Viking landings. Also, it comes with its own clear plastic stand that doubles as a magnifying glass. Keen, huh? The red planet is obviously on your mind. You should pick one up. If you get desperate, e-mail me and I'll pick one up for you. Thanks for the story. Yours, Christopher Monte Smith - - - - To: mcsweeneysmail@yahoo.com
The Astronomical Society of the Pacific (http://www.aspsky.org/) sells both a rather nice desktop globe of Mars, as well as an inflatable model. Plus other things. Yours, Paul Asay - - - - Date: Sat, 04 Mar 2000
A globe of the planet Mars is available from the following url:
Have a nice day.... Michael Goolsby mutant@post-atomic.com www.post-atomic.com - - - - From: "Charles Plender"
Dear McSweeney's My roommate & I were just now looking over your webpage and thought your bit on the globe of mars was very funny. MyJust bought a new computer--its great!--and we've been trying out all different things on the internet.After we read the bit about the globe we thought we'd try an internet search.Check out what we found. Thanks, Sincerely, Charles This is Google's cache of st3.yahoo.com/skypub/39214.html. It was retrieved on Wed, 10 Nov 1999 20:10:35 GMT. Google's cache is the snapshot that we took of a page as we crawled the web. More about Google's cache. - - - - Date: Sun, 05 Mar 2000
I loved your piece about the search for a Globe of Mars.There could be some insight into the failure of a capitalist society to meet the demands of individual consumers through projecting mass trends on to each person. But the main reason I liked it is because it's witty. After reading, I found a real Mars Globe for auction on eBay.Info for the globe is at [url] The globe itself was made by Replogle in 1971, and you can figure out the rest of the info by visiting the site. As far as I can tell, no one else makes them today.I checked some on-line map and globe shops, and came up with nothing. Dan - - - - Date: Sun, 5 Mar 2000
If you feel so inclined, you may inform the author of today's (or possibly yesterday's) piece concerning martian globes that they do, in fact, exist. I used to work for a store called Natural Wonders, which is one of those nutty-crunchy yuppie-type earth stores much like some of the ones contacted by Mr. Maliszewski. And they definitely sold them. At one point. I can't guarantee that they are still in production or still being sold by that particular establishment, which has several hundred locations nationwide. But they existed at one point in the not too distant past. Now I work for a computer store. It is not quite as interesting as working in a yuppie-type earth store, but the management is more compotent, and I get an extra 15 minute break. The one advantage to working in Natural Wonders was that it was in a mall. Normally I despise malls, but there was a Cinnabon two stores over, so I always had good food. Now I have to drive half a mile to Dunkin Donuts, where the food is not nearly of the quality it is at Cinnabon, although I must admit it is quite a bit less expensive. Gasoline expenses, however, detract from this potential advantage. The second matter I wish to discuss with you is your fourth issue. Is it forthcoming? You say February the seventh, yet it is currently March the fifth and I have yet to see it appear in my bookstore (Barnes & Noble, Framingham, Massachusetts). I understand you missed your boat, and that I am urged to practice patience while waiting for its arrival, but I am growing quite concerned. Reverend Graham Steele - - - - From: Aaronhub
Paul: By coincidence, I happened to notice a MARS GLOBE online at Edmund Scientific: [url] Best, Andy Aaron - - - - From: David Parker
In my quest to be a helpful-type McSwy's devotee, I have located a nice globe of the Red Planet (Mars). In fact, these fine people offer not one, but TWO globes of our rust-tone neighbor. As if that wasn't enough, there is a very nice globe of Venus available here, too. Please see http://www.skypub.com/. You'll want to click on the S&T Store icon to purchased said globes. Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars, .parker. - - - - To: mcsweeneysmail@yahoo.com
RE: Paul Maliszewski's 'In Search of the Red Planet' I'm sure you have already been besieged with mail on this topic (unless, as I suspect, I am the only regular reader of McSweeney's Suddenly Afraid), but Mars globes are manufactured by Sky Publishing Corp, publishers of Sky & Telescope Magazine. The direct web address of the Mars globe is: It is $84.95 and includes a clear pedestal and information booklet. I hope this helps your search.I realize by supplying this information I have totally missed whatever 'ironic' intent your piece had.But if by chance you really do want a globe of Mars, there you go. Thank you for your time. -gary - - - - From: William.Greve
Hi there, If you really want a Mars globe, you'll have much better luck thumbing through the internet rather than a
local phone book.Sky and Telescope has a 12-inch scale model of Mars for $84.95
Or go to http://www.skypub.com, find the S and T store and do your own browsing (the Venus globe looks cool). If you don't want to use the internet, try this: By Phone: 800-253-0245 (U.S. and Canada) +1 617-864-7360 (International) Monday through Friday, 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern Time. By Mail: Sky Publishing Corporation 49 Bay State Road Cambridge, MA 02138-1200, U.S.A. billgreve. - - - - Date: 6 Mar 00
Just so Paul Maliszewski knows, in case he hasn't found out already, there is a Mars globe available
from the following web site: http://www.spacetrader.com/globe.htm Though it is pricey at $99.
- - - - To: mcsweeneysmail@yahoo.com
McSweeney's, this is in response to today's work. You're the best. For the kind, but desperate, Paul Maliszewski, and his globular troubles: It seems that planets other than our own are substantially more expensive, despite the fact that as far as we know, none of them have currencies, and as such it would be impossible for them to buy globes of their own, dear planets. However for you, as an earthling, you can obtain a globe of one of their planets via the same fair medium in which you adverted us to your troubles, the Internet. Try a place called skypub.com or sky and telescope or something, at: http://store.skypub.com On the front page you'll notice right away you're at the right sort of place, despite the fact that they've a bold picture on the front stating "GET READY for the Messier Marathon!" Not a horror flick site afterall, though, pursuing the subject further I came up with this: "Log all 109 Messier objects in a single night! The Messier Marathon -- a mad dash from target to target lasting from dusk to dawn -- has become an annual rite of passage among amateur astronomers. It is possible only in late March and early April, when the Sun lies in a part of the zodiac devoid of Messier's star clusters, nebulae, and galaxies. Equip yourself with these useful resources and get caught up in Messier Madness!"I love the thought of amateur astronomers dashing madly from target to target -- in an annual right of passage, no less -- logging messier objects. The Messier Madness! [insertTwilight Zone soundtrack, or perhaps that of StarTrek] Under their pull-down menu you can go to Maps & Globes, and right there, bingo, on the front, a very charming globe of the planet Venus ($94.95!), and deeper in, a Mars globe ($84.95 - Why the price difference? There's some kind of gender-related joke in here, I'm sure). I wasn't able to find globes of any other planets, however. The Mars globe, you'll be happy to note, comes with a clear pedestal and an information booklet. Best of luck to you. Ben Parzybok Gumball Poetry - poetry in gumball machines and on the web http://gumballpoetry.com
- - - - Date: Tue, 07 Mar 2000
www.aspsky.org/catalog/oa194.html - - - - Date: Tue, 07 Mar 2000
To Paul Maliszewski -- Telephone? What's that? Thirty seconds on Altavista found the following source for globes of Mars (actual search query: "mars globe" and "moon globe"): http://www.spacetrader.com/globe.htm $99. They also have globes of the moon and atlantis, interestingly enough. Everyone go out, and turn on the Silver Jews and read "Actual Air" by David Berman immediately! Excellent book. - - - - From: Oliver Xymoron
Thirty seconds of web searching reveals that Mars and Venus globes can be had for ~$100 at http://www.aspsky.org/catalog/globes.html. Another thirty seconds revealed your email address. - - - - From: Phil Gyford
Hi, I'm taking a wild guess that you're the same Paul that wrote today's McSweeney's story? I couldn't resist hunting online for Mars Globes, and found one here: [url] They do one of Venus too. I don't know how they decide which planets to make globes of and which ones don't deserve the honour. Of course, you might, by some chance, be a different Paul Maliszewski and not know what I'm talking about, or you may have been bombarded with people pointing out Mars globes. All the best,
- - - - PAUL MALISZEWSKI responds: Thanks.
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
In Memoriam, Charles Schulz: A Short Autobiographical Screenplay By Greg Purcell Why Am I So Handsome? Episode Two of a Trilogy in Scientific Inquiry By Neal Pollack In Search of the Red Planet By Paul Maliszewski Some Jokes and Pranks That Did Not Pan Out By Chris Mohney Why Am I So Handsome? Episode One of a Trilogy in Scientific Inquiry By Neal Pollack |
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