Through this Friday, all available back issues of Wholphin are half off—10 bucks apiece for countless warm evenings of rare films, featuring Miranda July, Paul Rudd, Donald Trump, and a monkey-faced eel. - - - - |
Did you know if tennis sensation Mary Pierce married "Friends" star Matthew Perry, she'd become Mary Perry? But wait, it gets even better! If Perry's co-star Jennifer Aniston married New Hampshire Senator Bob Smith, she'd become Jennifer Smith. Just try saying that one three times fast! Or how 'bout if Yoko Ono married James Coco and kept her name, she'd be known as Yoko Ono! And if Yoko Ono married Dave Grohl, she'd eventually break up the Foo Fighters. Did you know if Bjork married Bjorn Borg and took his name, she'd have to alert her bank and get new checks? If rocker Liz Phair married former National Security Adviser Zbigniew Brzezinski, she'd become Mrs. Zbigniew Brzezinski. Now that's a mouthful! Remember when Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett? Man, that came out of nowhere. If Star Jones married Ringo Starr, he would get arrested for bigamy -- unless he divorced Barbara Bach first. If Al Gore's wife Tipper left him for a stripper, the headline would maybe read: "Gore Remains Focused on Campaign Despite Marital Woes." If Lynn Swann married former Red Sox outfielder Fred Lynn, the ceremony would have to take place in Hawaii or Vermont. And finally, if Cher married Charles Nelson Reilly, divorced him and married coach Pat Riley, then divorced him and married Patrick Ewing, divorced him and married deceased business tycoon Ewing Kauffman, she'd be known as Cher!
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
A Nomad in the World, Part I By Paul Maliszewski Election 2000, as seen from Chile, Part Four By Marc Herman Flannery O'Connor Meets the Beatles By Todd Pruzan The Love That Stopped Time: A Play, Consisting of Pure Conjecture, in One Act By Tim Carvell Fragments From Elian! The Musical By Ben Greenman |
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