F I V E D R I N K I N G G A M E S
( I N C R E A S I N G
I N D I F F I C U L T Y ) .
BY TIM CARVELL
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One: The Bob Newhart Show
Drink whenever...
...someone says "Hi, Bob."
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Two: M*A*S*H
Drink whenever...
...Radar whines.
...Klinger cross-dresses.
...a scene of merriment is interrupted by the arrival of wounded soldiers.
...Hawkeye makes sport of another person's pain.
...McLean Stevenson dies unexpectedly.
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Three: Inside the Actor's Studio
Drink whenever...
...an acting student asks a question that turns out to be more of a
statement.
...an actor discusses an early, demeaning job with a great show of good-humored, self-effacing embarrassment.
...series host James Lipton praises a guest so fulsomely that you yourself,
sitting at home in your underpants with your bottle of bourbon, feel
uncomfortable.
...during the show-ending questionnaire, an actor is asked his or her
favorite swear word, and they smirk and say one, and it's bleeped out, and
it gets a huge laugh, as if no one's ever seen this happen before, as if the
mere utterance of a swear word is very funny.
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Four: Life
Drink whenever...
...you are offered a drink.
...you are in a bar.
...you are watching a televised sporting event.
...you are with friends.
...you are alone.
...there's nothing good on television.
...you are feeling especially happy.
...you are feeling especially sad.
...you're not feeling much of anything at all.
...you're angry.
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Five: Short-form humor pieces
Drink whenever...
...the technique of repetition is used for a laff.
...a joke is made of a second-tier television personality.
...the conceit of the piece becomes woefully apparent.
...the conceit of the piece quickly wears thin.
...the conceit of the piece is run into the ground.
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