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Dave Eggers' The Wild Things is available for preorder, in regular hardcover and
limited-edition fur-covered.

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P I R A T E   R I D D L E S F O R   S O P H I S T I C A T E S . BY KEVIN SHAY - - - - Q: What's a pirate's favorite aspect of computational linguistics? A: PARRRsing sentences. Q: Of which concept shared by Jungian psychology and Northrop Frye's literary theory are pirates especially fond? A: ARRRchetype. Q: Who's a pirate's favorite member of the creative team behind "32 Short Films About Glenn Gould"? A: Don McKellARRR. Q: Of all of Richard Harris's many achievements in the performing arts, which is a pirate's favorite? A: "MacARRRthur PARRRk." Q: What's a pirate's favorite alliance-creating diplomatic agreement from the Second World War? A: The TripARRRtite Pact. Q: Which ancient Greek lyric poet do pirates like the best? A: PindARRR. Q: If a pirate were to recite one of the Olympian odes by the aforementioned poet, which one would it be? A: The XIth Nemean Ode, "To ARRRistagoras, the Prytanis of Tenedos, son of ARRRchesilaus." Q: If that same pirate were then to recite a 20th-century poem about the nature of poetry, what would it be? A: "ARRRs Poetica" by ARRRchibald MacLeish. Q: What if he went on to recite a poem by Sir Walter Scott? A: "LochinvARRR." Q: Why does that pirate keep reciting poetry, anyway? Is he some sort of Nancy-boy? A: Aye, 'tis a Nancy-boy he be. Arrr. Q: Of the ghosts that appear to Ebenezer Scrooge in "A Christmas Carol," which do pirates prefer? A: Jacob MARRRley. Q: Can we replace that last one with something about Bob Marley, so we can have an additional gag about RastafARRRianism? A: No. Q: Whom did the pirate vote for in the Haitian election? A: ARRRistide. Q: Wait. Why did they let a pirate vote in the Haitian election? A: Remember, the nation was taking its first halting steps toward democracy, and balloting procedures were rather chaotic. The pirate just slipped in somehow. Arrr. Q: I don't buy it. Pirates care nothing for participating in the electoral process. A: Look, can we finish this up soon? I'm having those phantom pains in my wooden leg. Q: A phenomenon first described in the 17th century by which important contributor to the field of amputation surgery? A: Oh, this is getting ridiculous. Q: Just say it. A: Ambroise PARRRé. Q: You can go now. A: Arrr. Nancy-boy.     OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES: - - - - But Will it Bring Back the Dinosaurs? Part Three By Joshuah Bearman But Will it Bring Back the Dinosaurs? Part Two By Joshuah Bearman But Will it Bring Back the Dinosaurs? Part One By Joshuah Bearman Summer Movie Preview From an Alternate Universe in Which Humans Are Made of Cheese By Ben Greenman In My Town of Smallish Size and Stature By Mary Phillips-Sandy ARRRCHIVES

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW AND HERE'S THE KICKER: MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE WINGS AT THE BALLET YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA ABOUT THANKS AND HAVE FUN RUNNING THE COUNTRY LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL