- - - -
Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama.
- - - -
Edema Eliminator "Public Rates Funeral Directors Highly" Dinair Airbrush Makeup System "America's Largest Cemetery/Mortuary Welcomes Pets" Fiberglass Floral Stands "Odor Remains in Spite of Passed Tests" Derma-Pro Mortuary Cosmetics "Accused of Selling Body Parts" Kool Kave Koold Kabinet & Kee Kasket Rak "Assisting with Unearthed Coffins" Arcangelo Trade Embalming "Self-Embalming" Earthurn(tm) -- Temporary Containers for Cremated Remains "Dark Side of the Little Old Lady" Buckley Embalming & Shipping Services "E-Commerce Finding its Place in Death Care"
- - - -
[Note: Following are three letters written by employees of Harps Food Stores. The letters were originally published in the Harps Food Stores newsletter, "News&Views." The letters are very real.] - - - - STORE 135 -- MOUNTAIN HOME, AZ Happy New Year to all! On December 6th, we had a great Christmas Party at Ramada Inn. Rookie of the Year was Bentley Glover. Associate of the Year was Diane Jefferson. Congratulations to both of you. We would like to thank Gerald for the parties each year at Christmas and are thankful that the store closes for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We would like to welcome back Sandi Kasinger. She has been recovering from lung surgery on both lungs. We were blessed to have carolers from Cotter High School visit our store. They sounded wonderful and everyone that heard them was uplifted. - - - - STORE 171 -- FORT SMITH, AR Hello! Have you heard that Kay Lynn Taylor won 1,000 dollars? Ha! Ha! We gave a truck away here and had a 1,000 dollar winner. The truck winner was Keith Ward. His wife put his name in the box. Something tells us she will drive it any time she wants to. Congratulations to JoAnn Scott and James Spears. JoAnn walked away with Video Manager of the Year and James was runner-up for Produce Manager of the Year. Great job! We would like to welcome Brian Adams to our meat department. We know you will do great. - - - - STORE 102 -- POTEAU, OK Greetings from 102! If you are reading this, we survived the Y2K! We had our Christmas party on Dec. 7th at the Fish Nest. The food was great and a good time was had by all. We have such great associates that there was a tie for Rookie of the Year and Associate of the Year. After the tie was broken, the winners were Jennifer Pennington for Rookie of the Year and Gayla Schlosser for Associate of the Year. Jennifer works in bread and Gayla is our receiving clerk. We had a very special award this year that we plan to present every year. It is for the friendliest associate, which was presented to Hashem Ihmidan. Five-year pins were awarded to Darlene Screptock (Closing Manager), Carol Shaw (Meat Clerk), and Robbie Henry (Assistant Bakery/Deli Manager). Ten-year pins went to Cherry Ragan (Pharmacy Manager) and Ronnie Ivey (Assistant Market Manager). Fifteen-year pins went to Brian Toney (Meat Manager) and Jason Bowles (Produce Manager). In closing, we would like to extend our best wishes to Ronnie Ivey who is recovering from a long illness. We all miss you and look forward to seeing you back at work.
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
Index of First Lines By Greg Purcell This Evening at the Brookings Institution: An Unoccupied Microphone By Peter O'Toole An Interview With the World's Fastest Computer By Ben Greenman In Other Magazines By Amie Barrodale One Writer's Routine By Neal Pollack |
Red dot denotes content that is new today.
Black dot denotes newish content.