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Dave Eggers' The Wild Things is available for preorder, in regular hardcover and
limited-edition fur-covered.

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Y O   M A M A   J O K E S . BY KATIE PEARCE - - - - Yo mama so fat... the doctor told her she was at risk of serious heart disease and she would most likely die prematurely. Yo mama so stupid... that after years of blisters and headaches working as a waitress to pay for a college education her parents couldn't provide her, she got rejected from the only college she could afford. Yo mama so ugly... she weeps wet, salty tears every time she glimpses herself in the mirror, thinking to herself, "No one will ever love me." Yo mama so skinny... her colleagues speculate in hushed tones about what they assume to be anorexia nervosa. Yo mama so poor... she can't afford a Christmas tree so she goes and finds a sad little twig in the yard and cuts out construction paper ornaments so that she can bring just a glimmer of light to her children's Christmas celebration. Yo mama so tall... the most promising romantic relationship of her life ended prematurely, due to insecurity on the part of a man somewhat shorter than her. Yo mama so old... she spends her nights awake, sweating with fear, wondering what the afterlife holds. - - - - B U T T E R F L Y   S N A P S . BY ANDREW SMALES - - - - Yo mama so ugly, when she emerged from the chrysalis, the Monarch said "put that back in, and turn the cocoon off of NASTY SKANK mode!" Yo mama so stupid, when the Monarch said "why does the cocoon stink?" she said "wait, you said to fill it with PUPAE?" Yo mama so ugly, the inchworm geometridae saw her and he turned into the half-inchworm geometridae! Yo mama so easy, she heard the entomologist say "this specimen is a Tiger Swallowtail" and she said "Swallow tail? Don't mind if I do!"     OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES: - - - - Sharon Fleder, Animal Publicist By Tim Carvell Your Neighborhood Laundraclean By Alysia Gray Painter A Letter From Ezra Pound to Billy Wilder, 1963 By Greg Purcell From the Recently Recovered Meditations of Marcus Aurelius By Amie Barrodale Preview of Summer Camps: Camp Five By Jeff Johnson

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW AND HERE'S THE KICKER: MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE WINGS AT THE BALLET YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA ABOUT THANKS AND HAVE FUN RUNNING THE COUNTRY LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL