[Think of it: Short, humorous pieces, inspired by specific, dated news items. What happens to such pieces, should this publication, or one of its johnny-come-hither counterparts, fail to run them in time for them to retain their relevance, their topicality, their wow-he-must've-written-that-this-very-morning-ness? You can probably guess their fate: They are, in the vernacular, "killed." But this, Untimely Week, is their chance to live. Enjoy Untimely Week.] - - - - While catching up on some newspaper reading, I came across a story that seemed almost too farcical to be true. According to the Wall Street Journal, the National Rifle Association plans to open a theme restaurant in Times Square. Well, this got me brainstorming: What would the menu look like at an NRA restaurant? Here's one possibility. —N.W.- - - - NRA GRILLE SOUPS AND SALADS Soup du Jour
House Salad
Hearts of Romaine — Romaine lettuce tossed in our house ranch dressing with aged jack cheese and smoked bacon. $5.95 Spinach Salad — Fresh spinach tossed in honey balsamic dressing with pecans, julienne red onions and feta cheese. $5.25 Tortilla Soup — Medley of fresh vegetables and chicken in a lightly spiced
broth. Topped with tortilla strips and cheese.
Caesar Salad — Romaine tossed with parmesan cheese, croutons and Caesar dressing. $4.95 Shrimp Salad and Avocado — Shrimp tossed with onion, celery and cocktail sauce in 1/2 an avocado on a bed of mesclun lettuce. $8.95 MAIN DISHES Chicken Fried Steak — Hand breaded, covered in country gravy and served with a house salad and French fries. $8.95 Barbecued Brisket Sandwich — Smoked brisket sliced thin on a hoagie bun with sautéed peppers and onions. Served with fries. $6.50 Southwest Stuffed Chicken — Tender oven fried chicken breast with a spicy onion, pepper and cheese stuffing. Served on a bed of julienne vegetables with roasted garlic mashed potatoes. Topped with mustard Hollandaise and roasted red pepper sauce. $11.95 Fried Shrimp — 4 hand breaded shrimp served with baked potato and vegetable of the day. $9.95 Grilled Salmon — Served on a bed of spinach and saffron rice with a lemon cilantro beurre blanc. $13.95 Chicken Florentine — Grilled chicken breast topped with sautéed spinach and provolone cheese. Served on a bed of angel hair pasta tossed in a basil cream sauce. $9.95 Fettuccine Alfredo — Made one of three ways: "Classical" tossed with julienne vegetables; "Cajun" with a spicy Cajun cream sauce; or "Basil Cream" tossed with tri-colored Fettuccine. $7.95 Beef Tenderloin Kabobs — Large pieces of beef tenderloin skewered with cherry tomatoes, squash, bell peppers and onions. Grilled to perfection and served on a bed of rice with our Honey Mango or Super Worcestershire dipping sauce. $11.95 Manicotti & Pesto — Three cheese manicotti topped with a creamy pesto sauce. $8.95 Pecan Crusted Halibut and Seared Scallops — Served with a seasoned potato cake, vegetable of the day and a chili pepper beurre blanc. $15.25 EXTRAS Vegetable of the Day $3.25 BEVERAGES Soda $1.50 A gratuity of 15% will be added for parties of 8 or more.
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
Untimely Week: One Woman's Poison By Ben Greenman Untimely Week: Happier Hairless By Paul Maliszewski Ask A Former Professional Literary Agent By John Hodgman I Write Short Books About the Popular Bands of the Day. Here Is My Story. By Catherine Zymet A Brief Autobiography of Camille Paglia, as Told through Introductory Appositive Phrases In Her Online Column By Lisa Whipple |
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