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The story about the gang members who drive with their lights off and shoot drivers who flash them was written in 1875 by Mark Twain. The rumor of the rat in the bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken was so distressing to Colonel Sanders that it led to his suicide in 1981. The woman who originated the tale of the guy who awoke in a hotel bathtub with his kidneys removed went on to write a soft-rock song about how she came up with the idea. On the recording, she accompanied herself on acoustic guitar and harmonica. It was a regional hit during a brief period in the winter of 1974-75. Every year, on the first Sunday in October, candlelight vigils are held in small towns around the world for the baby who was put in a microwave to dry. Most people relate to the story of the Mexican sewer rat that was mistaken for a Chihuahua because, at one time or another, they have mistakenly adopted vermin themselves. Over 50 percent of all traffic on the Internet consists of urban legends circulated via email. When Richard Gere angrily confronted a tabloid journalist who had printed the rumor about his liaison with a gerbil, they hit it off so well that he ultimately fathered three of her children: Jonathan Lipnicki, that little girl in the Pepsi commercials, and a boy named Seth, who is not famous, but is actually quite an accomplished vibraphone player for his age. Recounting urban legends as though they happened to you directly can improve your social standing immensely and make people like you. An Urban Legend is not just any apocryphal tale that is told as true. To qualify as an Urban Legend, a story must be officially sanctioned by the seven-member Urban Legend Committee of America. Committee members are selected on the basis of academic achievement, public service, and respectable dental history. Whenever a new president is elected, tiny white flags are flown from every rooftop in Decatur, Illinois.
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
The Unusual History of My Impending Prominence: A Book-Tour Timeline From the Future By Neal Pollack Untimely Week: A Message From Lovey Johns-Atchison The Acting President of the Trump Place Condo Association By Kevin Guilfoile Untimely Week: NRA Grille Menu By Noam Weinstein Untimely Week: One Woman's Poison By Ben Greenman Untimely Week: Happier Hairless By Paul Maliszewski |
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