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BY STUART WADE

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This issuance contains forward-looking statements relating to future events that involve risks and uncertainties, including statements regarding the completion of proposed acquisition(s), expected benefits and consequences, and anticipated future performance. These forward-looking statements are subject to risks that required approvals might not be obtained in a timely manner or that proposed acquisition(s) otherwise is not completed, as well as risks relating to the timing and successful completion of various integration of efforts of the originator, unanticipated costs, changing relationships with partners and other factors described in the most recent periodic issuance(s) made by the originator.


I hope I get a bike (1) for Christmas.

One day we'll all (2) have jet packs (3).

Dennis Franz will outlive Dennis Farina.

Someday I'm getting out of this place (4).

They'll all miss me (5) when I'm gone.


(1) Actual results in future periods may differ materially from those currently expected or desired because of a number of risks and uncertainties, including the level of demand for the stated product(s) or service(s) as well as the cost and availability of certain key components.

(2) Originator disclaims any proprietary interest in the marks and names of others.

(3) The product(s) in question have not been designed for nor are they promoted for end uses which would be categorized by either the United States Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) or by the International Standards Organization (ISO) as device(s) intended for safe transport. Restrictions apply to the use of such product(s), should they come to exist, for applications used to transport or deliver the human body, and such use is subject to review. It is the responsibility of the user of said hypothetical product(s) to determine that their use of same is safe, lawful, and technically suitable in intended application(s).

(4) The statement is not purely historical and is forward-looking within the meaning of originator's expectations, beliefs, hopes, intentions or strategies regarding the future.

(5) All forward-looking statements are based upon information available to the originator as of the date hereof and the originator assumes no obligation to update any such forward-looking statement. Actual results could differ materially from the originator's current expectations. In particular, until definitive evidence can be obtained, the originator cannot assure that projected outcome(s) will be consummated based on the contemplated terms, if at all.

 

 

OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
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Urban Myths About Urban Legends By Rick Larsen
The Unusual History of My Impending Prominence: A Book-Tour Timeline From the Future By Neal Pollack
Untimely Week: A Message From Lovey Johns-Atchison The Acting President of the Trump Place Condo Association By Kevin Guilfoile
Untimely Week: NRA Grille Menu By Noam Weinstein
Untimely Week: One Woman's Poison By Ben Greenman

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Memories of Amanda Davis

 


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