- - - -
Millard Kaufman's final novel has arrived!
Pick up Misadventure now—or, see what
you've missed out on thus far by picking up
both Bowl of Cherries and Misadventure
for 27% off the retail price.
- - - -
Dramatis Personae:
Time:
Place:
[BEN, returning to work after lunch at Perry's Deli, looks up from his New Yorker article on Harold Bloom and is startled to see HON. RICHARD M. DALEY waiting to cross Randolph Street.] BEN Did you vote? [SUIT-WEARING FLACK glares sullenly at BEN.] HON. RICHARD M. DALEY Yes, I did. - Fin - - - - -
TJ: You see, she (pointing to Annette Taarnvang, anchorperson) says there is yet no president of your country. The states are most counted but now there is problems in the Florida state. The Texas man, Bush, was announced to win yesterday and now there is stuffing of boxes and over big ballot papers that is confusing. JA: But why is Jesse Jackson talking? TJ: They say he is saying that police with flashing lights have stopped the black people from voting. JA: What? TJ: The black people could not stuff the boxes because the flashing lights were frightening and sounded hard. (Taarnvang returns on screen). Now she says the old are confused because the lines of Gore and of a third person were very very near. They put the holes for the third person and not for Gore, who should have been the second. JA: Um. TJ: Also, the boxes had gone disappeared are now counted over. George Bush (on screen): I have carried the state of Florida. JA: Does that mean he won? TJ: No, he is saying this because the counting was counted again. He says the underneath president called him to say his celebration, but then said no that he would like for more counting. (a map of the United States appears) JA (who is from Portland): Why is Oregon flashing? TJ: There is no deciding there. They do not know the winners and cannot do the counting still. (Taarnvang returns.) Now they say your country is exploding. JA: What? The Bartender, Soren Andersen: It is exploding because it is waiting for the end of the deciding. JA: Oh. Oh my God, why is Paul McCartney speaking now? TJ: Oh, he is saying the album of the Spice Girls is much much better.
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
Campaign Wrap-Up By Paul Maliszewski Election Day Special: Diouf v. Wade By Sylvia Fagin How I Won the West By Neal Pollack Nearly 100 Ways To Approach Infinity By Ian Varley Two Stories By Swith Bell |
Red dot denotes content that is new today.
Black dot denotes newish content.
