Page 67 REWRITING A FAMILIAR SENTENCE Suppose we take "These are the times that try men's souls." Here we have eight short, easy words forming a simple declarative sentence. Yet, in that arrangement they have shown great durability; this sentence written by Thomas Paine in 1776 is into its third century. Now compare a few less effective variations:
- - - - Page 18 USE THE ACTIVE VOICE The active voice is usually more direct and vigorous than the passive.
This is much better than: There was something pathetic about visiting her in, uh, that city... and it will be sort of, you know, etched into my brain for eternity and recalled as this, like, basic response to anyone saying the name "Boston" or "Kristin". I mean, God help me if something painfully coincidental happens, you know, like somebody starts raving about their favorite bar in Boston named Kristin's... it'll induce, like, a... a seizure of nervous memories and sobbing in me, right in the middle of whatever dinner party it happens at, and everyone will assume something terrible happened to me in a bar or something... or that I have something against Boston. - - - - Page 79 AN APPROACH TO STYLE: Do Not Inject Opinion
This is better than:
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
The Election: Two Transcripts By Ben Bass and Sarah Schmelling Campaign Wrap-Up By Paul Maliszewski Election Day Special: Diouf v. Wade By Sylvia Fagin How I Won the West By Neal Pollack Nearly 100 Ways To Approach Infinity By Ian Varley |
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