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Dave Eggers' The Wild Things is available for preorder, in regular hardcover and
limited-edition fur-covered.

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R E V I S I N G S T R U N K   A N D   W H I T E . BY DAN KENNEDY - - - - Page 67 REWRITING A FAMILIAR SENTENCE Suppose we take "These are the times that try men's souls." Here we have eight short, easy words forming a simple declarative sentence. Yet, in that arrangement they have shown great durability; this sentence written by Thomas Paine in 1776 is into its third century. Now compare a few less effective variations: These are times for soul men that are trying. I try so that men's souls feel it these times. It's hard out there, man... and I'm looking for some times to keep my soul trying. - - - - Page 18 USE THE ACTIVE VOICE The active voice is usually more direct and vigorous than the passive. I shall always remember my first visit to Boston. This is much better than: There was something pathetic about visiting her in, uh, that city... and it will be sort of, you know, etched into my brain for eternity and recalled as this, like, basic response to anyone saying the name "Boston" or "Kristin". I mean, God help me if something painfully coincidental happens, you know, like somebody starts raving about their favorite bar in Boston named Kristin's... it'll induce, like, a... a seizure of nervous memories and sobbing in me, right in the middle of whatever dinner party it happens at, and everyone will assume something terrible happened to me in a bar or something... or that I have something against Boston. - - - - Page 79 AN APPROACH TO STYLE: Do Not Inject Opinion His writing has been largely criticized as "Dull" and "Humorless". Regardless of what some critics say, he is a popular contributor to several journals and weeklies. This is better than: Jesus, there's nothing Strunk and I hate more than the high-horse that whiny little leftist collegians rest so confidently on when they further ruin their typically dull and humorless writing by garnishing contributions with the crap they actually believe in. I swear to everyone in hell and heaven, if there is such a thing (who would know if it's still around with all of the freaks giving whatever higher power resides there a bad name these days?) that I will refuse to pick up another one of those stupid-ass (always free, you'll notice) weeklies as long as I have blood in my body and breath in my lungs. I'm serious. Drop the opinions, ass-bites. Don't push me, because you have no idea how close to the edge I am, you weak and empty also-rans. You little 28-year-old journal junkies that still take rides home from lectures and taverns courtesy of your moms and girlfriends.     OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES: - - - - The Election: Two Transcripts By Ben Bass and Sarah Schmelling Campaign Wrap-Up By Paul Maliszewski Election Day Special: Diouf v. Wade By Sylvia Fagin How I Won the West By Neal Pollack Nearly 100 Ways To Approach Infinity By Ian Varley

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW AND HERE'S THE KICKER: MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE WINGS AT THE BALLET YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA ABOUT THANKS AND HAVE FUN RUNNING THE COUNTRY LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL