S I X P L A C E S W E
M A Y H A V E M E T .
BY DAVID K. GIBSON
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1. Punjab
A cocktail party at the British Consulate, the Raja in attendance.
Barely were the oysters passed when sixteen members of the militant
Warriors of the Black Orchid took the compound. The Raja, the Consul,
and three Punjabi businessmen were held hostage, and eventually
assassinated. You and I escaped through the kitchen, our bodies intact,
our souls in ruin.
2. Prairie Dog Town
I was a greedy real estate developer; you, a hairy-legged
environmentalist. You stood in the field as I pushed the plunger and
ignited one quarter ton of TNT. You lost a thumb, and you earned my
respect, but I did not scale back the project. I dreamt of you whenever
I smelled dirt.
3. Death Row
I (Joaquin Phoenix) was a cocky drifter with no respect for authority,
sentenced to die for the brutal slaying of a family of four in Oklahoma.
You (Salma Hayek) were a brash public defender with a penchant for
animal-print miniskirts. You fought for an appeal, and proved (in a
dramatic scene in which Hayek works Phoenix into a rage, but he is
incapable of striking her) that the injuries I received as a sniper in
Korea would have made it impossible for me to wield the pinking shears
in a manner consistent with the autopsy report. The crusty judge (Ted
Danson) overturned the conviction. I never thanked you. You did not
expect me to.
4. The Drop-Off Point
Near the Galleria Borghese. I left 65 million lire in an alligator
hatbox next to a fountain. You, on a bench only metres away, looked at
me and through me at once. The painting was returned unharmed.
5. The Old Power Plant
I was the kindly old caretaker who had discovered a vein of silver in
one of the cooling tunnels of the abandoned plant. Through cowardice or
dumb luck, or perhaps merely hunger, you and your friend Shaggy
discovered that I was also the ghost which had been frightening the
local populace. I would have gotten away with it, were it not for you
meddlesome kids.
6. The Polo Stables
Your spirited pony had a pull in his gaskin; you, spirited yourself, had
no patience for such matters. I, the deaf-mute stableboy, nursed
Golgotha back to health and tamed his fiery spirit. You gave this noble
beast to your nieces in Hungary, who beat him with sticks. I could tell
no one of my pain.
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