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C H R I S T   G O E S   T O   H A P P Y   H O U R . BY DUANE SWIERCZYNSKI - - - - 6:00 p.m.  Happy hour starts—plenty of loaves, fishes, and pretzel nuggets for everybody 6:03 p.m.  Jugs of wine are finally tapped; everybody claims to be "one of the Twelve" 6:14 p.m.  Drunk man at bar asks Christ to perform miracle; Christ declines 6:24 p.m.  Bimbo from the steno pool foolishly orders a "Rusty Nail"; crowd gets quiet 6:31 p.m.  Drunk man again asks Christ to perform miracle; Christ smiles, buys him a drink 6:40 p.m.  Christ and St. Peter get into sloppy argument over who would deny whom three times 6:45 p.m.  Drunk man insists on seeing a miracle; Christ visibly annoyed 6:54 p.m.   Short-supplied bartender shows Christ gallons of Evian behind the bar; asks for a "little favor" 6:58 p.m.  Pharisees show up and take over Karaoke machine 12:34 a.m.  Drunk man staggers home; discovers leprosy     OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES: - - - - Artificial "It Girl" By Deborah Haywood Issue 6 Has Arrived to Confuse You Remarks Made at An Accredited University in New York City, or, Ask a Former Professional Literary Agent, Part X By John Hodgman Other Spy Troubles By Jeff Johnson My Dollhouse By Renate Robertson

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