Beetle and Sarge are riding in a Jeep. Beetle says, "The mechanic says we need new brake pads soon." Sarge asks, "When did he say that?" Beetle is digging a hole. He asks Sarge, "How are foxholes going to protect us in a nuclear war?" Sarge says, "That's a good point." The General is about to give a speech. Miss Buxley hands him some papers. He says, "Thank you, Miss Buxley." The General's other secretary (not Miss Buxley) is on the phone. There is panting coming from the other end. She says, "Knock it off, you pervert!" Beetle is sitting on his bunk with an open box. He is writing a letter that says, "Dear Mom, Thanks for the cookies." Sarge is walking by. The General is sitting at his desk looking at papers. He says, "Look at what the Pentagon spends on some of this stuff!" Miss Buxley says, "Gee!" The General's other secretary is talking to Miss Buxley. She says, "Everyone would like to have a life without stress or worry." Miss Buxley says, "Yeah." Beetle is in a car in front of the General's house. The General and his wife are gardening on the front lawn. Beetle says, "Sorry to disturb you on your day off, sir, but there's a real emergency!" The General is sitting at his desk. Miss Buxley asks, "Have you made a decision yet, sir?" He says, "Don't rush me." Beetle asks the Chaplain, "Is it okay to tell a lie to keep from hurting someone?" The Chaplain says, "I guess so." The General is walking out his front door, looking upset. He says, "I'm giving the camp a real shaking up!" Killer (another soldier) is reading a magazine in a convenience store. The clerk says, "This isn't a library, pal." Killer replies, "I know." The General is in bed talking on the phone. He says, "My back hurts, my joints ache, and I feel tired." Beetle and Zero (another soldier) are walking through some sort of sand, possibly a desert or beach, on a hot day. Beetle says, "Man! It's hot today!" The General is sitting in a chair at home. It is nighttime. He drinks from a glass.
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
Amy Fusselman's New Book, The Pharmacist's Mate, Is Now Available and Has Been Warmly Received An Interview With Robin Bendetti, a Scientist Who Recreates the Pressures and Temperatures of Planetary Cores in Her Lab, and Thinks the Cores of Neptune and Uranus Are Diamond By Amie Barrodale God Damn, Kilogram! By David Manning Hitting By Carrie Hoffman Mysteries and Conundrums To Be Solved With One Hour Left Until My Retirement From the Force By Mike Sacks |
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