Take the name of your pet as your first name and the name of the street you grew up on as your last name. That's your Porn Star name. Take the last name of the person you love as your last name. If you are a heterosexual woman, that's your Oppressed by the Patriarchy name. If you are a heterosexual man, that's your Sensitive New Age name. If you are a gay person of either gender, that's an affirmation of your love. Take aim at your neighbor with a large club, then hit him over the head and take his wallet. Hide his body in the shrubbery outside his house. The name on his credit cards? That's your Fugitive from Justice name. Take the kind of first name given to girls whose parents followed the Grateful Dead. Now take a patrician surname of English origin. That's your public defender's name. Take a random six digit number as your first name. Drop your last name. That's your official prison name. Take an interjection used to call attention as your first name. Take the proper term for a female dog as your last name. That's your unofficial prison name. Take the name you used back when everyone had C.B. radios. Boy, that takes you back, huh? Take note of the name your cellmate whispers repeatedly in his sleep. That's your Stool Pigeon name. Take the word "dead" as your first name, and a description of incest with your mother as your last name. That's your Marked by the Mafia name. Take a name from the list of most common names for babies in 1965 as your first name. Take a name chosen at random from the phone book as your last name. That's your Witness Relocation Program name. Take your middle name as your first name. Take your mother's maiden name as your last name. That's your Romance Novelist name.
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
Lydia Davis Week Reader Responses Lydia Davis Week Day Four Lydia Davis Week Day Three Lydia Davis Week Day Two Lydia Davis Week Introduction |
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