W H A T T O D O
O N O C T O B E R 3 0 .
BY SARAH MANGUSO
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1.
Buy old etiquette book for young ladies with spots on cover. Place on side table.
2.
Break rotten egg into batter.
3.
Take out trash.
4.
Go out for bananas.
5.
Put banana bread in oven, not knowing whether oven dial or thermometer inside is wrong.
6.
Burn bread, thus ascertaining thermometer inside correct. (In future add 50 degrees to what dial reads.)
7.
Read book about astronomy because astronomy is the farthest-away thing imaginable from what you are doing, which is burning bread in small town.
8.
Decide favorite sentence in history is "The small comets do not come from the Oort cloud located far beyond the orbits of the planets, but from an inner belt of cometary material beginning just beyond the orbit of Neptune." Later find in an old course catalog that the author, a visiting lecturer, gave a talk once called "Extreme Twinkling and Its Opposite."
9.
Wonder whether extreme twinkling something invented by someone with contempt for profession.
10.
Wonder whether things you invent hold same appeal for those unfamiliar with topic. Fail to reach conclusion.
11.
Write "eggs" on grocery list, then draw picture of dancing egg.
12.
Decide it looks lonely, draw dancing partner.
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