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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama
.

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C L U E S .

BY CHRISTOPHER PAINTER

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Across

1. Upon awakening, you scrape this substance from the corner of your mouth.

5. Location of dull, throbbing ache.

6. Seventies sitcom "________ Happening!!"

8. Person sleeping next to you wears a rain poncho from this theme park.

10. Peculiar scent you exude.

15. Name carved with a Montblanc into the backs of your thighs. (Two words.)

18. Your keys are in the stomach of this deadly predator.

20. Cry emanating from your car's trunk.

22. Fluid leaking from your car's trunk.

30. Seventies sitcom "What's ___________!!"

 

Down

1. Alternates tingling and burning.

2. Non-profit group where you seek refuge (abbr.).

3. Government group to whom they hand you over (abbr.).

4. Orifice in which you are probed.

7. Thirty-Six, Thirty-Seven, Thirty-_________.

12. Man known as "Herr Direktor" calls you this unsettling pet name.

17. Herr Direktor continues to apply pressure with screw clamps until you give him this eight-letter pass code.

19. Color of Herr Direktor's theme park rain poncho.

22. Cast of this seventies sitcom links hands around your filthy cage and chokes your ears with their cruel laughter as you repeatedly shriek its title and slide into unconsciousness. (Two words.)

25. Upon awakening, you scrape this substance from the corner of your mouth.

 

Answers on page 116.

 

 

OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
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More Grim Stories By Stephany Aulenback
Swabbing for Spores By J.B. Orenstein
Cherry Coke, Snowballs and Pink Floyd: An Interview with Carrie O'Donnell, about Delivering the News By Elizabeth Miller
Bugs Bunny's Complaint By Peter G. Vaeth
The Pep Talk By Mark A. Russell

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OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND

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MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY

DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER

STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT

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