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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama
.

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O V E R H E A R D   C E L L   P H O N E
C O N V E R S A T I O N S   I N   W H I C H
M O V I E S   O F   T H E   1 9 8 0 s
W E R E   M E N T I O N E D .


BY A.S. HAMRAH

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Man, leaning against parked delivery truck, yelling:

YEAH, HI, DO YOU HAVE BLAME IT ON RIO?

IT'S OUT?

DO YOU KNOW WHEN IT'LL BE BACK IN?

NO? OK, BYE.

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Man, striding down avenue, yelling, then not:

NO. DIVA.

NOT FEVER!

D-I-V-A!

Diva. Yes.

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Woman, walking through downtown square, laughing, brief shout (possibly misheard):

Ha ha, yeah, all the time. He's all Uncle Buck.

Yeah, ha ha ha, ALL THE TIME.

Oh, oh, he's totally conscious of it. He's totally doing it.

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Woman leaving restaurant with take-out:

I have to pick up Harry and the Hendersons on the way home again. I don't know why I don't just buy it.

I should, I should. I really should.

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Man pacing in front of convenience store:

Yeah, that sounds fun. You can't wait for that, right? My Dinner with fucking Andre.

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Man waiting for bus:

He compared it to Eating Raoul.

I'm gonna see it anyway.

Yeah, Eating Raoul.

 

 

OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
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Thought You'd Love the Following Jokes! Pass Them On! By Mike Sacks
Hair By Carrie Hoffman
Loneliness, a Mathematical Proof By Robert Beezle
Current Releases By Billy Kimball
The Twin Brother of Laura Bradford: An Interview with Arthur Bradford, about His Book, Ravioli, a Mutant Cat, and Writing By Laura Bradford

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Memories of Amanda Davis




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LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S

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McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS

REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD

NEW WHOLPHIN FILM

DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST

TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS

NON-ESSENTIAL MNEMONICS

BITCHSLAP: A COLUMN ABOUT WOMEN AND FIGHTING

DISPATCHES FROM A GUY TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY
TO SELL A SONG IN NASHVILLE


GLOBAL WAR ON BEDBUGS: LETTERS FROM BEDBUG CITY

THE CONFLICTED EXISTENCE OF A FEMALE PORN WRITER

OH MY GAWD: A COLUMN ABOUT A TEENAGER NAVIGATING RELIGION

DISPATCHES FROM MANILA

DISPATCHES FROM AN INDIAN CASINO

THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST

CHRIS WHITE ANSWERS PROFOUND
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS


REPORTS FROM THE PINBALL SCENE

LETTERS FROM THE HELLBOX

NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR SPECTATOR
AT AMATEUR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTS


B.R. COHEN'S DAYS AT THE MUSEUM

CONVERSATIONS AT A WARTIME CAFÉ

AND HERE'S THE KICKER:
MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS


GRANT MUNROE'S CORPORATE FOLKTALES

SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW

DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER
WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE


DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT

DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL

DISPATCHES FROM INDIA

THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL

SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL

SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES

KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA

STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE

YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN

KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE

ABOUT THE WILD THINGS

ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT

ABOUT FEVER CHART

ABOUT GOD SAYS NO

ABOUT ZEITOUN

LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL
TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY


E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT
FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM


TRAVELING EUROPE IN STYLE WITH AUCKLAND DINGIROO,
DARK-AGE TOURIST AND CRITIC OF FOOD AND DRINK


JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES

INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS

FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING

OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND

DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN

MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY

DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER

STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT

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ADDITIONAL MATERIAL