- - - -
Just in time for Valentine's Day,
the Guardian in London has
reviewed and raved about
The Secret Language of Sleep.
And, for the rest of the week,
you can buy it for $5!
- - - -
Finland. (Bazooka Joe is stirring a pot on a stove). Buddhist Monk: Hi, Bazooka Joe, what's for breakfast? Bazooka Joe: Hundreds of things. Buddhist Monk: What are they? Bazooka Joe: Beans. Buddhist Monk: Then it is one thing. - - - - Australia. (Bazooka Joe is frantically wrapping duct tape around a fuel conduit). Flight Surgeon: Hi, Cosmonaut Bazooka Joe, what's for breakfast? Bazooka Joe: Stand back. We are rapidly losing pressure in the main catalyst valve. Flight Surgeon: Oh, in that case I know what's for breakfast. Bazooka Joe: What's that? Flight Surgeon: Duct tape. - - - - Silicon Valley. (Bazooka Joe is preparing the holy host). Cardinal: Hi, Father Bazooka Joe, what's for breakfast? Bazooka Joe: Two things. Cardinal: What are they? Bazooka Joe: The body and the blood of Christ. Cardinal: Awww, we had that for breakfast last Sunday. - - - - Vatican City. (Bazooka Joe is marching in a harvest-parade of 100,000 workers and peasants in spontaneous celebration of the visionary leadership of Kim Jong Il). Cadre: Hi, Comrade Bazooka Joe, what's for breakfast? Bazooka Joe: Two things. Cadre: What are they? Bazooka Joe: One of them is a heartfelt recital of the address our Dear Leader made last week to the 9th district union of tractor engineers. Cadre: What's the second thing? Bazooka Joe: A bean. - - - - Tibet. (Bazooka Joe is watching movers carting off leased computer equipment from his vaulted-ceiling studio/office). Venture capitalist: Hi, failed dot-com CEO Bazooka Joe, what's for breakfast? Bazooka Joe: Nothing. Now that the e-business model has been revealed as a horrible delusion we can't even afford to buy a can of beans. Venture capitalist: Oh, don't worry, you'll be seeing lots of beans in your next job. Bazooka Joe: Why's that? Venture capitalist: Because you'll be working at Starbucks. - - - - Mir Space Station. (Bazooka Joe is sitting at a cafe signing a manifesto). Situationalist: Hi, Bazooka Joe, what's for breakfast? Bazooka Joe: The text of this comic, like all texts, has no meaning except in reference to itself. Situationalist: Yes, but what's for breakfast? Bazooka Joe: Bubble gum? - - - - North Korea. (Bazooka Joe is lying in the outback with X's over his eyes beside a talking dingo). Bushwacker: Hiya, bloke, Bazooka Joe doesn't look so good. What did he have for breakfast? Bazooka Joe's talking dingo: He had hundreds of things. Bushwacker: What were they? Bazooka Joe's talking dingo: Beers. - - - - Left bank, 1968. (Bazooka Joe is sitting on an ice floe in the noon darkness beside a can of beans. He has the barrel of a gun in his mouth). Pale acquaintance: Hi, Bazooka Joe, what's for breakfast? Bazooka Joe: Despair. There is no reason to go on living in this world of cruelty and eternal darkness. Pale acquaintance: In that case, can I have your beans?
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
The Thirty-Two Words By Christopher Hickman The Inspector of Bees: An Interview with Charles Simmonds, Nebraska State Apiarist By Jessica Reik Candle Party By Alysia Gray Painter Four Under Twenty Whom You Need Not Watch By Dan Kennedy In 2101: Three Stories by Young People By Zach Ejuone, Meghan Lyden, and Sam Bradford |
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