"Help!" he said. "I've been poisoned!" 1. Evil Genius: That's correct. Now hand over the statuette and I'll give you the map to the antidote. 2. Spouse: My mother was right about you. 3. Rogue buddy cop: I'll get the bastards who did this. 4. Marketing VP: Think changing the name would help? 5. Nurse at admissions desk: Insurance? 6. Shakespeare: As Portia did portend! 7. Trusted companion: Bark! Bark! 8. Bobby from 2nd Grade: Help! I've been poisoned! 9. Cannibal: That's not a problem. The poison boils off. 10. Tobacco executive: Not to my knowledge. 11. Tactless roommate: Can I get your share of the rent? 12. Funny Gay Friend sitcom character: Tell me about it, that jacket's making me sick, too! 13. Backup singers: He's Poi-soned! Ooh yeah!
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
The Way Things Are Now By Bryan Charles Spicing Things Up By Dan Kennedy Cruel and Unusual, An Interview with Connie Williams, an Inmate at Marysville Reformatory for Women By Aimee Bingham Zoom By Grant Bailie Daylight Savings Tim By Alysia Gray Painter |
Red dot denotes content that is new today.
Black dot denotes newish content.