This Friday, July 25, is your last day to start or renew - - - - |
- - - - [Read J-Dawg's parents' letter to Coach Sean here.] [Read the coach's response.] - - - - Mr. Sean, Thanks for the expedient reply. Now, firstly, again great job with the team! WE rule this season. But, with all due respect, WHAT PART OF I HEARD YOU ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS CALL MY BOY "STUD" is unclear to you? I think it is wrong. And We as parents of Jason are not even mad, but maybe the correct word we are experiencing is Bewilderment? As to why there is on your part this denial? Of certain facts? Well, point blank, we're not fond of "Stud," as we said for breeding reasons and because our boy at age eleven, is not a breeder, nor do we want him to attempt it, or be reinforced by adult people that he has the potential in him to be a breeder and that his privates are a cannon full of powerful baby-making juices. NO NO NO NO. We would like to discourage that. We just want you to say, "Oh yes, Meicen family, you are right and I will not do that again." How difficult is that? As for throwing a fast pitch at a boy's head? What and how you coach the squad is your own business — and a business, I might add, you handle most capably, as indicated by how you continue to lead us all to VICTORY — but I certainly wouldn't document such a thing in a letter to parents. Still, I know you had your reasons. As the boy bailed away from the plate and then your pitcher threw three straight fastballs down the pipe and K'ed him and we were home early even though we felt the hot breath of extra innings on the backs of our necks. So thanks. We had baths and dinner to prepare and I had to be up v. early for an eye appointment the next a.m. I got my forty winks. So try this on: a little honesty: for size. It might fit. It might be one of the first times a coach said, "I learned something from a family." I'm sure at taverns and liquor bars you can excusably talk salty with your peers. They are peers who accept and understand hearing risque stories about body parts and farm animals procreating. Okay. Please leave those terms at the bar. And don't try to cover your trail with meteorology! Finally, I don't know if you are aware of this fact, but I served in the Air Force reserves during the war in the Gulf. Did I face hand-to-hand combat? I won't get into the details or apologize for not having to, but let's just say I picked up a few handy skills and some of them involve BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF LIARS. Thanks, Gary Meicen P.S. So you know, we have several witnesses (other parents of players) who say they distinctly heard you use the term "stud" in reference to our boy. P.P.S: One of those times you called our boy "Stud" might in fact be on digital video footage currently in my possession!
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
Here Comes the Sun, An Interview with Don Korycansky, on Moving Earth out of Harm's Way By Joshuah Bearman The Rat By Carrie Hoffman The Attractive Person By Rose Gowen What's Gone, What's Past Help By Stephany Aulenback I Never Did Call Your Kid "Stud" By Jeff Johnson |
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