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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama.
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- - - - Everything looks great!!! Just wanted to let you know how much we appreciate all the work you do!!! [smiley face] Thanx — Jen - - - - There are some dead bugs on the stairs. If you would clean them up it would be SO [underlined three times] appreciated!!! [smiley face] Thanx--Jen - - - - Could you be sure to clean up around my keyboard? [smiley face] I have noticed some eraser dust there. Thanx!!! [smiley face] - - - - About this eraser dust. It appears there have been instances of this all around town this week — there are rumors that some nut has been going from office to office with a big sack of eraser dust, leaving it all around people's keyboards as a sort of sick joke. Have you guys considered installing security cameras? Something to think about. Thank you — Phil - - - - One of the light bulbs in the hallway has burnt out — could you replace it tonight? Thanx so much!!! [smiley face] - - - - There are still dead bugs on the stairs. I have to go up and down those stairs every day — if you could be sure to clean them up every week it would be SO MUCH [underlined three times] appreciated!!! Thanx!!! [smiley face] - - - - I have seen these "bugs" you're referring to. It is a good thing you have not stepped on any because it is my suspicion that these are actually bug-shaped land mines — which is the reason I have been avoiding them. I will call in the land mine squad tonight. We'll see what they can do. No promises. - - - - The trashcan in the darkroom needs to be dumped out — it hasn't been emptied in over a week. Thanx!!! [smiley face] - - - - I noticed strange sounds coming from the freezer in the basement, as if the freezer were angry or in great pain. I didn't bother to check it out, figuring that maybe the freezer was punished today. You can see why I wouldn't want to get involved or make the freezer feel awkward. Maybe the freezer is with child? This occurred to me as another possibility, although I didn't want to risk interfering with the processes of nature. Mankind has done enough already, don't you think? Has the freezer been examined recently? You really should have your freezer examined regularly. - - - - Could you please be sure to dust around the credit card machine and printers? [smiley face] I had to dust them today. Thanx!!! [smiley face] - - - - About the dust — I have decided that probably the best way to deal with this dust problem would be to periodically set the office on fire. Let me know if this sounds like a reasonable solution. - - - - Dr. Meskie will be coming in tomorrow to use the downstairs for his classes. Can you be sure to clean up down there? Thanx!!! [TWO smiley faces] - - - - Yes, I visited with Dr. Meskie about this yesterday. We were just talking, you know, buddy-buddy like, and he told me he'd like it if I tossed a few old Kleenexes around the room to make the place a little more homey. I told him I'd have to clear it with you first. So — does it sound okay to you if I throw a few old Kleenexes around the room? P.S. My mom says you need more plants in the waiting area. Thanx!!! [smiley face]
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
Office Work By Andrew Kaufman One Hundred Thirty-Two Electrodes, An Interview with Rose Gowen, on Being a Test Subject By Rose Gowen Today the Toll-Booth Attendant Felt Chatty By Todd Levin Video Game Hints, Tricks, and Cheats By J. Robert Lennon A Memo from the Cap'n By Dan Kennedy |
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