D I A L O G U E   B E T W E E N T W O   T E E N A G E R S , O N E   I N T E R E S T E D   I N   C A R S A N D   O N E   N O T . BY ROBERT SCHIPTS - - - - Interested: Whose car do you think is faster, yours or mine? Not Interested: I have no idea. Interested: Well, okay, what kind of car do you drive? Not Interested: A 1988 Honda Accord. Interested: That car is a big piece of shit! Not Interested: That is what I can afford. Interested: So, it is still a big piece of shit. Not Interested: Well, it works. Interested: Works like a big piece of shit works. Not Interested: What does that even mean? [Long pause.] Interested: You know what kind of car I drive? Not Interested: No. Interested: A 1999 Ford Mustang. Ford, baby! Ford. Not Interested: Is that a good car? Interested: Damn right it's a good car. Not Interested: I see. Interested: Does your car go fast? Not Interested: It goes however fast I make it go. Generally around forty miles an hour I guess. Interested: Fuck that! My car goes 140 miles per hour. 140, baby! 140. That is one hundred more than yours goes. Not Interested: Right. [Long pause.] Interested: I am thinking about getting some nitrous. Not Interested: Some what? Interested: Make my Mustang go like forty miles per hour faster. If I want it to. Interested: Do you drive many places at 180 miles per hour? [Long pause.] Interested: Who do you think is taller, you or me? Not Interested: I really have no idea. Interested: I bet I am taller than you. Not Interested: You're probably right. Interested: You know how tall I am? Not Interested: [Sighing] I don't know, five-ten, five-eleven? Interested: More like six-one. I'm six-one, baby! Six-one. Not interested: Okay. Interested: How tall are you? Not Interested: Five-nine or so. Interested: That is what I thought. Not Interested: You thought I was five-nine? Interested: I don't know. All I know is I am three inches taller than you, baby. Not Interested: Right.     OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES: - - - - Thoughts on Mothers, Collected But Not Published by Good Housekeeping, Part Two By Genanne Walsh Thoughts on Mothers, Collected But Not Published by Good Housekeeping, Part One By Genanne Walsh Taco Charlie, Part Three By Cheryl Wagner Taco Charlie, Part Two By Cheryl Wagner Taco Charlie, Part One By Cheryl Wagner

- - - - MAIN PAGE   |   ARCHIVES   Memories of Amanda Davis   Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST JOKES BY BRIAN BEATTY REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW SO YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT? DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS DISPATCHES FROM A HUMANITARIAN JOURNALIST DISPATCHES FROM IRAQ SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES PHILIP GRAHAM SPENDS A YEAR IN LISBON STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE NAPOLEONIC WARS AT THE MET KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE SONGS OF ENEMIES AND DESERTS: LIVING WITH THE SUDAN LIBERATION ARMY LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT WHAT IS THE WHAT ABOUT BOWL OF CHERRIES ABOUT COMEDY BY THE NUMBERS ABOUT JOHN BRANDON'S ARKANSAS ABOUT MICHAEL CHABON'S MAPS AND LEGENDS ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY DISPATCHES FROM THE NBA ENTERTAINMENT LEAGUE JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES B.R. COHEN'S ANNALS OF SCIENCE INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DISPATCHES FROM ROY KESEY, AN AMERICAN GUY MARRIED TO A PERUVIAN DIPLOMAT LIVING IN CHINA STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL