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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama.
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- - - - [Be sure to read Plays No. 49 and 50, Craig Taylor's other tiny plays about London.] - - - - (Jo and John stand outside a pub in Clapham. Their pints of Stella Artois are almost finished. The night is clear.) Jo: It's so weird how your tolerance just goes down so much. Isn't that weird? John: You haven't had anything to drink for ten days? Jo: Twelve days. John: Twelve whole days. Jo: I've been a good girl. John: You have. Jo: But it's a Friday, you know? John: You can't hold back on Friday night. Jo: I said to myself: Tonight, John is in town... John: That's right. Jo: He's taken a train all the way to see me. John: And the rest of the gang, yeah. Jo: I'm going to let myself go. John: Well, we've had a few. Jo: And I'm going to tell him how I feel. John: You're feeling good, aren't you? We're feeling good. Nice spring night. Jo: John. John: What's the matter? Here. Come over here. Jo: John. How long have we been friends? John: I don't know. Nearly six months I guess. Jo: No, John. It's been two years. John: I met you two years ago. Jo: And we were friends. John: Well, not friends right away. Acquaintances. At least at the beginning. I mean, I knew who you were. Jo: John. John: Do you want to sit down? Jo: I'm fine. John. John: Yes, Jo? Jo: John. We have been friends for three years. And I have loved you... (Pause.) Jo: Whoops. (Pause.) Jo: I wasn't supposed to get to that part until a few minutes later. (Pause.) Jo: Do you hate me now that I've said that? John: Now that you've said what? Jo: You know. What I just said. John: I love you too, Jo. I think you're great. I think you're brilliant. Jo: John. John: Yes? Jo: John. I don't want to sleep with you. John: Jo, I'm sort of seeing someone up in Manchester. I have a girlfriend. Jo: Not that I haven't thought, oh, you know, something like "I wouldn't mind if he took my bra off." John: I'm kind of unavailable Jo. Jo: I'm just saying. John: I know. Jo: I'm just saying. (Pause.) Jo: Do you want to see my bra? John: No. No, I didn't... no. Jo: I'm only going to show you a glimpse. John: Jo, I don't think that's the best thing. Jo: You so do. I can't believe how bad you are. You're naughty. John: Jo. Jo: It's a jungle bra. John: What do you mean it's a jungle bra? Jo: If you want to see it so bad you'll get your chance, John. (she lifts her shirt up) Jo: Do you think I have nice breasts? (Pause.) Jo: It's because it's camouflage that it's called a jungle bra. (Pause.) Jo: You have to look, John. To see it. John: Jo, maybe we should just be friends right now. Jo: Military is in you know. John: Maybe stop showing me, okay? Jo: What's her name? John: Put your shirt down. Jo: What's her name? John: Put your shirt down. (Jo drops her shirt) John: It's Debbie. Jo: This is your girlfriend? John: Well, we're seeing each other. Jo: So she's your girlfriend. John: We're dating. Jo: Which makes her your girlfriend. John: I guess, yeah. (Pause.) Jo: It's a nice name. John: What's wrong with Debbie? Jo: Nothing. It's a nice name. John: It's fine. Jo: Deb. You can shorten it to Deb, can't you? John: Yeah. Jo: Do you shorten it to Deb? John: Yeah, sometimes I do.
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
One Million Tiny Plays about London, No. 50 By Craig Taylor One Million Tiny Plays about London, No. 49 By Craig Taylor The Aloe Symphony By Tobias Seamon Iris's Metamorphosis By Stephany Aulenback Take a Penny, Leave a Penny By Kevin Blasko |
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