- - - -

Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama.

- - - -

C O N V E R S A T I O N   B E T W E E N T W O   P E O P L E . BY STEPHANY AULENBACK - - - - This sentence says she is boring. This sentence is short. This sentence contains almost no useful information. This sentence says he is interesting. This sentence is a little longer but not too long. This sentence says she is appealing. This sentence says she may be rather dimwitted. This sentence is somewhat difficult to take. This sentence is uncertain. This sentence says he is somewhat interesting. This sentence says he is extremely interesting. This sentence is a good sign. This sentence says that she is actually quite intellectually stimulating. This sentence is easy to like. This sentence is an improvement. This sentence says he is perhaps somewhat vain. This sentence is difficult to interpret. This sentence says she may have an unpleasant disposition. This sentence is hard to believe. This sentence is completely unnecessary. This sentence may be true. This sentence is insistent. This sentence says pay no attention to this sentence. This sentence says he is daring. This sentence says he is intelligent. This sentence says he is well-read. This sentence is a good sign. This sentence is a better sign. So is this one. This sentence says not only is she remarkably attractive, she is also quite witty and charming. This sentence is a pleasure. This sentence says she is undoubtedly charming. This sentence says she is bright. This sentence says she is kind. This sentence is also a pleasure. And this one. And this one. This sentence says nothing. This sentence says nothing, too, but in a fascinating way. This sentence says too much. This sentence says very little. This sentence reveals even less. This sentence says it's time to go. This sentence says do you want to come, too? This sentence says everything. This sentence says maybe it doesn't. This sentence says perhaps another time. This sentence is regretful. This sentence is a little detached. This sentence says wait and see. This sentence says call me. This sentence may be insincere. This sentence says sure. This sentence may be untrue. This sentence is a relief.     OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES: - - - - Issue No. 9 Is On Its Way to You My Beard, Reviewed By Chris Bachelder Potemkin's Empress By Michael Stein Drug Test By James Wagner That Was a Fine Draft, Coach By Jeff Johnson

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS NON-ESSENTIAL MNEMONICS BITCHSLAP: A COLUMN ABOUT WOMEN AND FIGHTING DISPATCHES FROM A GUY TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY TO SELL A SONG IN NASHVILLE GLOBAL WAR ON BEDBUGS: LETTERS FROM BEDBUG CITY THE CONFLICTED EXISTENCE OF A FEMALE PORN WRITER OH MY GAWD: A COLUMN ABOUT A TEENAGER NAVIGATING RELIGION DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM AN INDIAN CASINO THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST CHRIS WHITE ANSWERS PROFOUND QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS REPORTS FROM THE PINBALL SCENE LETTERS FROM THE HELLBOX NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR SPECTATOR AT AMATEUR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTS B.R. COHEN'S DAYS AT THE MUSEUM CONVERSATIONS AT A WARTIME CAFÉ AND HERE'S THE KICKER: MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS GRANT MUNROE'S CORPORATE FOLKTALES SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE ABOUT THE WILD THINGS ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT FEVER CHART ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT ZEITOUN LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM TRAVELING EUROPE IN STYLE WITH AUCKLAND DINGIROO, DARK-AGE TOURIST AND CRITIC OF FOOD AND DRINK JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL