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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama.
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- - - - [Read the last Orange tapes.]
Q: Michelle, you wanna talk into this? Orange: Yeah. Q: OK, now, what are you gonna say? Orange: I say, "I wanna go in the house!" Q: Is that what you say? Orange: Yeah. Q: OK, let's hear you sing happy birthday. Orange: Happy birthday to you. . . (fading) I feeel. . . Q: Eyes. . . like Orange: . . .Like. . . Q: Eyes are so blue— Orange: Eyes so blue, you're like a monkey, you're so blue, you smell like one too! Q: (laughter) Orange: Waa-hooo! Q: What did you have for dinner? Orange: I have chick-en. . . beef, and Crunch— Q: Crunch, yeah— Orange: Alpha Bits— Q: Yeah— Orange: Apple Jacks— Q: Yeah, those are all the things you like. Orange: Yeah! Q: What did you have for dessert? Orange: I have apple and fudgsicle. Q: What kind of fudgsicle? Orange: Popsicles. . . popsicles. . . all gone! Q: What's mommy's name? Orange: Jackie! Q: What's mine? Orange: John! Q: What's your name? Orange: Mi-sell! Q: How old are you? Orange: Two! Q: Two, that's right, and where do you live? Orange: I live the ca-amp! Q: You live at the camp? Orange: Yaah. Q: What's your address? Orange: My rooster and my room— Q: No, that's on your new dress, right? Orange: My duck! Q: Your duck is on another dress— Orange: Yah? Q: Where'd you go today? Orange: I go'd a trip, in Tranno. . . Q: You went to Toronto? (laughing) You did not, you're telling lies! Where did you go with mommy? Orange: I go to camp. Q: Na na na, where did you go? Orange: I go to mommy's house? Q: You went to the store, right? Orange: Yah. Q: What did you buy? Orange: I buy'd. . . I buy the caaandy. Q: What kind of candy? Orange: In the kitchen. Q: Yah? Let's hear you sing Jack and Jill. Orange: (not missing a beat) Jack-and-Jill-went-UP-the-hill, fetch a pail-a wah-ter. Jack fell down, broke his crown. . . tumbling af-terrrr! Q: Jill came tumbling after! Good! Oh, that's brilliant! Hey, tell me, what do you do on the toilet? Orange: I go pee pee— Q: What else? Orange: An' can-dy— Q: Are you smart? Orange: (pause) I'm cute! Q: And what else? Orange: Smart and cute and baaaaaad. . . Q: (cracks up) Orange: Daa-aaahhh haaa haa! Q: Are you a bad girl? Orange: I'm a good girl! Q: Oh. What do you do that's bad? Orange: — Q: Uh? What do you do that's bad? Orange: Happy birthday to you!. . . You're like. . . a monkey. Q: Where's Chris? Orange: He's outside. Q: What's he doing? Orange: He's riding a bike. Q: Whose bike? Orange: Chris' bike? Q: Who's he playing with? Orange: Kevin's bike? Q: Who do you play with? Orange: I play Phil. Q: Phil? Who else? Orange: Phil. Amy. Q: Amy? Orange: Yah, Ay-mee! Q: Amy doesn't live here anymore. Orange: A-b-c-d-e-f-g-h-I-j-k-l-m-n-o-p-q-r-s—w-x-y-z, don't you come with me, play with me, a-b-c. . . Q: That's a good girl! You're very smart! You're not bad are you? Orange: Yah! Q: What did you do at the fair? Did you go to the fair? Orange: Yah. I do'd a trip! Q: Which trip? Orange: This trip! Q: What did you have to eat? Orange: I have to eat: the dinner. Q: What did you eat for dinner at the fair? Orange: I have McDonald's. . . chips. . . McDonald's. . . chips. . . 'Tucky Fried Chicken. . . chips. . . coke. . . cocoa— Q: Cocoa? What about a hot dog? Orange: Hot dog! Hamburger. . . Q: What did you have on your hamburger? Orange: On my ketchup. Q: What do you like to wear? Orange: I wear. . . I wuh. . . I weared a dress. Q: What's your favourite dress? Orange: Red? Q: Red? Orange: Yah, red. Q: You don't have any red dresses! Orange: Yahhhh. Q: Are you fat? Orange: Yeah. Q: Why? Orange: Because rain come stops. Q: That's the reason for everything these days. Do you like to play with Chris' toys? Orange: Yah. Q: Which ones? Orange: Hooo! Q: No, the cars. . . Orange: The cars. Q: Yah, sing Batman. Orange: Nah nah nah Bat—Nah nah nah nah Batmaaaaan! Q: (Cracks up) Let's hear you sing the other one— Happy Days. Orange: Happy Day-ay-ay-ays. . . Q: Thursday, Monday— Orange: (paying no mind) Happy Day-ay-ay-ay-ays. Q: You wanna say good-bye now to the recorder? Orange: Yeah. Q: Say good-bye recorder, see you later. Orange: See 'later! Q: Bye-bye. Orange: Buh-by-eye. Q: Good morning. Orange: G' mor-ning. Q: How are you? Orange: Fi-ine.
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
Oh, Mama!, Chapter One By Ben Greenman In My Humble Opinion, Part Two: Brick Buildings By Kevin Sampsell Sheila Heti Week: The Poet and the Novelist as Roommates By Sheila Heti Sheila Heti Week: Conversation About Trampoline Hall Sheila Heti Week: Testimonials About The Middle Stories from Five Canadian Authors |
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