You feel poor. We feel poor. Let's feel poor together. This week only, almost everything is half-price in our online store. Escape the holiday rush and cross every name off your list in one cheap swoop. - - - - |
- - - - [Read the lost Orange tapes.]
Q: Dad, you wanna talk into this? Orange: Pardon? Q: OK, now, what are you gonna say? Orange: About what? Q: Is that what you say? Orange: I'm busy right now. Q: OK, let's hear you sing happy birthday. Orange: Why? Whose birthday is it? Q: What did you have for dinner? Orange: It's 10:30 in the morning. Q: Yeah, those are all the things you like. Orange: What things? Q: What did you have for dessert? Orange: What's the matter with you? Q: What's mommy's name? Orange: Who's mommy? Q: What's mine? Orange: Who are you? Q: What's your name? Orange: Who wants to know? Q: How old are you? Orange: Old enough to know better. Q: Two, that's right, and where do you live? Orange: At home. Q: You live at the camp? Orange: No, I live at home. Q: What's your address? Orange: [long pause] 23. . . Q: Where'd you go today? Orange: To work. Q: You did not, you're telling lies! Where did you go with mommy? Orange: I went to work, I told you that. Are you deaf? Q: What? Orange: Are you deaf? Q: Let's hear you sing Jack and Jill. Orange: No. I don't know the words. No, I know the words, I don't know the tune. Q: Good! Oh, that's brilliant! Hey, tell me, what do you do on the toilet? Orange: What do you do on the toilet? Q: Are you smart? Orange: Very. Q: Are you a bad girl? Orange: I am a bad girl, yes. Q: Oh. What do you do that's bad? Orange: [unintelligible] I burp. Q: Where's Chris? Orange: [Cracks up. Laughs at length.] He's over there. Q: What's he doing? Orange: Who knows. Q: Who's he playing with? Orange: God knows. Q: Who do you play with? Orange: I play with myself. Q: Amy doesn't live here anymore. Orange: No, I guess not. Q: That's a good girl! You're very smart! You're not bad are you? Orange: No. I'm smart and cute and bad. Q: What did you do at the fair? Did you go to the fair? Orange: Yes. Q: What did you have to eat? Orange: Hot dog. Q: What do you like to wear? Orange: What do I like to wear? Shoes. Q: What's your favourite dress? Orange: Oh, I. . . the red one. Q: Are you fat? Orange: No. Q: Do you like to play with Chris' toys? Orange: Yah. Q: Sing Batman. Orange: [totally not singing Batman] Bat-maaan! Q: Let's hear you sing the other one— Happy Days. Orange: [again, way off track] Happy happy days! Happy Day-ays! Q: You wanna say good-bye now to the recorder? Orange: To the what? Q: Say good-bye recorder, see you later. Orange: Bye, uh, recorder. See ya. Q: Bye-bye. Orange: Bye. Q: Good morning. Orange: Bye. Q: How are you? Orange: What is all this?
OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
Smart and Cute and Bad: The Lost Orange Tapes By John Orange Oh, Mama!, Chapter One By Ben Greenman In My Humble Opinion, Part Two: Brick Buildings By Kevin Sampsell Sheila Heti Week: The Poet and the Novelist as Roommates By Sheila Heti Sheila Heti Week: Conversation About Trampoline Hall |
Red dot denotes content that is new today.
Black dot denotes newish content.