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T H E R E ' L L
A L W A Y S   B E
A   H O M E
F O R   Y O U   H E R E .


BY ALAN PITCHER


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Dear Beth,

Yesterday, when I went to the store, there was an old couple waiting for the bus. Or a ride. They looked just like your grandparents, so I thought I'd write you a letter. How are they doing? Are you having fun? You kind of rushed out of here, so I hope everything is okay.

yours always,
Alan

P.S. Did you accidentally take my blue socks? I was doing laundry and I can't find them anywhere. Also, while washing your pants, I found a strange note in the back pocket. There was a phone number and a man's name. Did you cheat on me? Is that why you ran off? If you did, I can forgive you. But you have to tell me.

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Dear Beth,

Did you ever notice how twenty-four hour stores always have locks on the doors? Ha! That rhymed!

yours always,
Alan

P.S. So, you don't know where my socks are? And what about this cheating thing. I just want to know, honey. I'm just asking. Maybe you don't want to hurt my feelings. I can understand that.

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Dear Beth,

I'm very worried about you. You haven't returned any of my letters. Do you want me to call?

yours,
Alan

P.S. I found my socks, finally. They were in the dryer. I'm wearing them now. Look, about the cheating thing, it's all right. Really, it's fine. I should have been more understanding. Taken some time to listen to you, or whatever. I promise, I can be a better person.

 

 

OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES:
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That Time When By Maggie Tucker
Notes on Singapore's Lesser-Known Atrocities, Or, Simply, There Are Too Many John Travolta Movies By Carol Karimi and Sean Wilsey
In My Humble Opinion, Part Three: That '70s Book By Kevin Sampsell
The Pyramids by Guide By Julia Old
Photo Album With Cherries By Renate Robertson

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