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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama.

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P U N   A B O U T   D E A T H G O E S   H E R E F O R   T I T L E : A N   I N T E R V I E W W I T H   J I M   K E L L E R , G R O U N D S K E E P E R A T   T H E M A R Y S V I L L E C E M E T E R Y . BY DAN KENNEDY - - - - Q: So, you are the groundskeeper for this small-town cemetery in Marysville? Keller: [Confused as to why I am asking this in person, when I seemed to know this after talking to him twice on the phone to schedule this interview.] Q: Yes, you are. I'm asking for the tape recorder. Keller: [Hands me the tape recorder.] Q: No, I mean… for the record. Keller: This is for a record? Q: I mean I'm asking you that question for the record. Keller: This for the Internet, right? Q: The record just means like, you know, it's on file or whatever. It's, like, okay to print if you say it's on the record. But yeah, it's for a literary website. Keller: You mean helping kids read? Q: Sort of. I mean it's more adults than kids, really. Keller: An adult website? Q: No. It's uh, like, a writing website. Keller: I don't think death is good for a kid's website, and I think it's a little weird if it's for a porno thing. Q: Oh… yeah, I know. Okay. So, what's the strangest part of your job? Keller: Well, what do you think? It's a cemetery, so… that's the strangest thing about it. Q: Right, I just mean… Keller: That's like asking a prison warden, "What is unique about the place where you work, sir?" [Switches to "stupid guy" type of voice to answer his own question.] "Well, duhhhh… let's see. What's unique about the place where I work? Duhhh… it's a prison." Q: I know, I just mean… like, what's the… strangest part of your job, I guess? Keller: Okay, well… that's the strangest part. Q: Right. The strangest part is the cemetery part? Keller: Well, it's not the landscaping. A lot of people mow lawns. Q: Yeah. Keller: Q: Okay, well… Keller: I guess I'm just not sure what you want to know. Q: No, I know. I guess… just. Well, actually this is fine. Maybe I'll call you later if I think of something else. But, yeah. Okay. Thanks. Keller:     OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES: - - - - Unpublished Coda to Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird By Tim Carvell Please Remember to Suck Off His Finger with a High-Powered Vacuum, Part Two By Kevin Feeney Please Remember to Suck Off His Finger with a High-Powered Vacuum, Part One By Kevin Feeney Engulfed: A Dispatch from the Front By Zev Borow and Stephen Sherrill Paul Collins Week: Excerpt No. Two from Geoffrey Pyke's To Ruhleben — And Back, a New Title from the Collins Library Edited by Paul Collins

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS NON-ESSENTIAL MNEMONICS BITCHSLAP: A COLUMN ABOUT WOMEN AND FIGHTING DISPATCHES FROM A GUY TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY TO SELL A SONG IN NASHVILLE GLOBAL WAR ON BEDBUGS: LETTERS FROM BEDBUG CITY THE CONFLICTED EXISTENCE OF A FEMALE PORN WRITER OH MY GAWD: A COLUMN ABOUT A TEENAGER NAVIGATING RELIGION DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM AN INDIAN CASINO THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST CHRIS WHITE ANSWERS PROFOUND QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS REPORTS FROM THE PINBALL SCENE LETTERS FROM THE HELLBOX NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR SPECTATOR AT AMATEUR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTS B.R. COHEN'S DAYS AT THE MUSEUM CONVERSATIONS AT A WARTIME CAFÉ AND HERE'S THE KICKER: MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS GRANT MUNROE'S CORPORATE FOLKTALES SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE ABOUT THE WILD THINGS ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT FEVER CHART ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT ZEITOUN LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM TRAVELING EUROPE IN STYLE WITH AUCKLAND DINGIROO, DARK-AGE TOURIST AND CRITIC OF FOOD AND DRINK JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL