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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama.

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M O R E H I S T O R Y ' S N O T A B L E   P E R S O N S R E C O N S I D E R E D . BY TIM CARVELL [Read about previous notable persons reconsidered. Also, browse the archive of notable persons.] - - - - SOLOMON Sure, everybody brings up the baby-slicing as the prime example of the wisdom of Solomon. But what nobody ever mentions was that that was his solution to everything. Contract dispute? Divorce proceeding? Jaywalking arrest? Hey, let's cut this baby in half and see if that settles things! Solomon was kind of a nut. - - - - JEAN-PAUL SARTRE "Hell is other people," Jean-Paul Sartre once observed, which marked the last time anyone threw the ungrateful bastard a surprise party. - - - - CUBA GOODING, JR. Cuba Gooding, Jr. has, presumably, sometime in the past few years, declined to appear in something. Which means that, somewhere in Los Angeles, there is a screenwriter whose script was deemed "not good enough for Cuba Gooding, Jr." That's got to hurt. - - - - ART GARFUNKEL Art Garfunkel seems like the kind of a person who'd Google himself compulsively, which means that, sooner or later, he's going to find this item. If I'm right: Hi, Art Garfunkel! - - - - PIERRE DE FERMAT For three and a half centuries, Pierre de Fermat has captivated mathematicians with a single sentence: "I have discovered a truly remarkable proof which this margin is too small to contain." Many people think that this proves Fermat was a brilliant mathematician. I would argue that it proves he was a brilliant self-promoter. Furthermore, I have a truly remarkable cure for world hunger, which this page is too small to contain. - - - - ALBERT CAMUS Albert Camus famously stated that "there is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn". Of course, he's dead now, which seems like a pretty resounding counterargument to that theory.     OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES: - - - - Rounder Characters in No Time Flat By John Warner Puns About Death Are Unavoidable: An Interview with Janet Waters on the Stealing of Deeds to her Burial Plots Last Winter By Chris Waters Unused Audio Commentary By Dinesh D'Souza and Ann Coulter, Recorded Spring 2003, for Aliens Special Red-State Edition DVD, Part Two By Jeff Alexander and Tom Bissell Unused Audio Commentary By Dinesh D'Souza and Ann Coulter, Recorded Spring 2003, for Aliens Special Red-State Edition DVD, Part One By Jeff Alexander and Tom Bissell

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS NON-ESSENTIAL MNEMONICS BITCHSLAP: A COLUMN ABOUT WOMEN AND FIGHTING DISPATCHES FROM A GUY TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY TO SELL A SONG IN NASHVILLE GLOBAL WAR ON BEDBUGS: LETTERS FROM BEDBUG CITY THE CONFLICTED EXISTENCE OF A FEMALE PORN WRITER OH MY GAWD: A COLUMN ABOUT A TEENAGER NAVIGATING RELIGION DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM AN INDIAN CASINO THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST CHRIS WHITE ANSWERS PROFOUND QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS REPORTS FROM THE PINBALL SCENE LETTERS FROM THE HELLBOX NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR SPECTATOR AT AMATEUR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTS B.R. COHEN'S DAYS AT THE MUSEUM CONVERSATIONS AT A WARTIME CAFÉ AND HERE'S THE KICKER: MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS GRANT MUNROE'S CORPORATE FOLKTALES SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE ABOUT THE WILD THINGS ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT FEVER CHART ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT ZEITOUN LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM TRAVELING EUROPE IN STYLE WITH AUCKLAND DINGIROO, DARK-AGE TOURIST AND CRITIC OF FOOD AND DRINK JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL