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Just in time for Valentine's Day,
the Guardian in London has
reviewed and raved about
The Secret Language of Sleep.
And, for the rest of the week,
you can buy it for $5!

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D O N E   I N   P E N ,   A G A I N : M O R E   P O E M S B Y   N E W   Y O R K   T I M E S P U Z Z L E   E D I T O R W I L L   S H O R T Z . BY KEVIN GUILFOILE - - - - [Read earlier poems by Will Shortz.] - - - - WHAT TWO WRONGS CAN DO When an insult demands I seek vengeance Or I'm pushed into venting my spleen, I hand down a punitive sentence On my page in the Times Magazine. If rascals conspire to get me, My clues can turn cutting and caustic. I strike back like a lexical Jet Li, And construct a derisive acrostic. To the girls in high school who once spurned me, To the bullies who pushed me around, To the jocks who would Indian-burn me, I direct you to 34-Down. To the street punks who dared to accost me, To a boss who once gave me the sack, To the Times editors who have crossed me, I'm 5-Across-ing you back! For the reader who wrote me from Van Ness To say Tuesday's puzzle was "trite," I've conjured a cruel Diagramless, Which your wife and I filled in last night. Any reader who's wronged me should fear A malevolent pun on his name. The scariest words are "the paper is here!" When Shortz is delivering pain. - - - - HI, KOO Prince Andrew's old flame A Royal embarrassment Stark naked actress - - - - RHYME SCHEME How Vito says "my mother!" Victoria on the Disco floor. Bjorn's cry for help from ship to shore. Don't gamble on another. You'll find it in a flaming bag. Luvs dirtied by your brother. It mars the finish on your Jag. The films of Tina Yothers. A bottle rack Duchamp called art. He chose it over others. Bourgeois tastes were dull and tart. Marcel was feeling smothered. She's Lilith, Frasier's paramour. Though Diane got her licks in. On his boat the drinks were poured For his best friend Dick Nixon     OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES: - - - - A Few More Grim Stories By Stephany Aulenback Mom's Set List By Dan Kennedy Breaking Through Writer's Block By John Warner The New FCC Rules By Gideon Lewis-Kraus Diary of a Superhero By Francesco Marciuliano

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD NEW WHOLPHIN FILM TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS NON-ESSENTIAL MNEMONICS BITCHSLAP: A COLUMN ABOUT WOMEN AND FIGHTING DISPATCHES FROM A GUY TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY TO SELL A SONG IN NASHVILLE GLOBAL WAR ON BEDBUGS: LETTERS FROM BEDBUG CITY THE CONFLICTED EXISTENCE OF A FEMALE PORN WRITER OH MY GAWD: A COLUMN ABOUT A TEENAGER NAVIGATING RELIGION DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM AN INDIAN CASINO THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST CHRIS WHITE ANSWERS PROFOUND QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS REPORTS FROM THE PINBALL SCENE LETTERS FROM THE HELLBOX NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR SPECTATOR AT AMATEUR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTS B.R. COHEN'S DAYS AT THE MUSEUM CONVERSATIONS AT A WARTIME CAFÉ GRANT MUNROE'S CORPORATE FOLKTALES SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM TRAVELING EUROPE IN STYLE WITH AUCKLAND DINGIROO, DARK-AGE TOURIST AND CRITIC OF FOOD AND DRINK JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELBRITY MUSICALS DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN EXCERPTS FROM THE PANORAMA SOLUTIONS TO BENJAMIN TAUSIG'S THREE-DEMENSIONAL CROSSWORD PUZZLE IN THE SAN FRANCISCO PANORAMA ABOUT A VERY BAD WIZARD ABOUT THE WILD THINGS ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT FEVER CHART ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT ZEITOUN - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL