- - - -
Just in time for Valentine's Day,
the Guardian in London has
reviewed and raved about
The Secret Language of Sleep.
And, for the rest of the week,
you can buy it for $5!
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- - - - [Like Ed Page's previous childhood recollection, Silly Me, this is all true.] - - - - September 16, 1980 Today was a very hot day. Brandy and Vandy were chasing me and Steven at lunch recess. Brandy got us smelling like her perfume. - - - - September 17, 1980 Today was not really that hot, but the same thing happened at recess but this time I got Brandy's perfume. I threw it into the bushes. - - - - September 18, 1980 Today was cloudy but they went at it again. They got a new member to help them. It was Andy, my friend. It was close today with Andy. He had me for some minutes there, but I got loose right when the whistle blew. - - - - September 19, 1980 Luckily today it was raining so Brandy, Vandy, and Andy couldn't chase me and Steven and the others. - - - - September 23, 1980 Today was a good one. Today it started out Brandy and Vandy were chasing us but it ended with us chasing Brandy but not Vandy. Vandy just stood by Brandy but Brandy got all the attention. This other boy, he untied Brandy's top. - - - - September 29, 1980 Today was not fun at all because Brandy had choir practice. - - - - October 2, 1980 Today at lunch recess me and some other guys were pretending that Brandy was our mother and that the other guys were my brothers. Brandy was doing cartwheels and stuff like that. Me and my play brothers were play fighting. - - - - October 6, 1980 Today at lunch recess I told Ryan that Brandy was my play mother and she is, too. I was playing with my play brother on the hill. My play brother pushed me down the hill and Brandy said, "Don't do that—he's a Cub Scout." Brandy was hiding from some girls that didn't like her. Brandy told us to go tell them that Brandy heard everything they said. - - - - October 8, 1980 The first recess I played foursquare with a teacher that said he loved foursquare and some other people. - - - - October 16, 1980 Today at lunch recess I found Brandy and went up to the soccer field and did some cartwheels down a hill. - - - - October 30, 1980 Today at lunch recess I played foursquare for a while, then I heard a siren. Then I saw an ambulance come in the school's driveway. I heard that Brian Hicks got pale in the face and fainted. There were at least fourteen kids gathered around. A couple minutes later the whistle blew but Lan and me didn't go in. Right when Lan went in they brang out the stretcher. - - - - October 31, 1980 Today is Halloween and I'm going to be the Unknown Comic. - - - - November 6, 1980 Last night I prayed that it was going to be a hot day. Today it's pouring down rain. - - - - November 25, 1980 Today at lunch I asked Brandy why she isn't bossing us around anymore and she said, "I don't know." Then right after that she left. Out at recess I was playing foursquare with some other guys. Andy went into my square and told me that he wanted Brandy to boss him around too. - - - - December 8, 1980 Today there was ice on the blacktop and I tried to kick a piece but it was frozen to the blacktop. It hurt when I kicked it. When I kicked it it didn't even budge. I went into the classroom with a sore toe. - - - - January 20, 1981 Today we got a new president! His name is Ronald Reagan. Today our class made letters for him asking him favors. - - - - January 29, 1981 Today Steven and I were kissing this sixth-grade girl. I kissed her once, but Steven kissed her about twenty times. I tried to get her again but there was this other sixth-grade girl guarding her and she threw me across that place. Then Mrs. Templeton, the principal, found out and we all got in trouble. - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES: - - - - Notes Scribbled by a Philosophy Professor on a Student Paper Entitled "The Truth of Death" By Jonathan Messinger
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