M c S W E E N E Y ' S B R A I N   E X P L O D E R : H O W   Y O U   G E L L I N ' ? EDITED BY CARLTON DOBY - - - - INSTRUCTIONS: Match the description of each individual with the specific manner in which they might be gellin'. 1. Urbane reader of droll food column. 2. Pittsburgh-area high schooler who scored a 1390 on the SAT: 3. Knighted performer who, in the twilight of his career, is delighted to discover his sexual orientation is no longer an issue. 4. Fact checker at Entertainment Weekly who has compiled the index for her boss's unauthorized biography of Debra Messing. 5. Woman who is frequently told of her resemblance to the actress Susan St. James.   A. "Gellin' like Carnegie Mellon." B. "Gellin' like the television wife of McMillan." C. "Gellin' like 'Grace (comma) Will and'." D. "Gellin' like Sir Ian McKellen." E. "Gellin' like Calvin Trillin."   Now you tell us how Liberian President Charles Taylor might be gellin', and send your answers to our McSweeney's Brain Exploders editor, Carlton Doby, at carltondoby@hotmail.com. Best answers will appear here next week. - - - - Want to contribute to the McSweeney's Weekly Brain Exploder? Just send your quizzes, puzzles, or other brain exploders to carltondoby@hotmail.com.     OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES: - - - - My Favorite Quarters By B.R. Cohen An Open Letter to the New York Times Style Section Photo Retoucher By Michelle Arenas My Hidden Agenda By Ben Greenman Making Ketchup is Too Hard By Justin Dullum Excerpts From My Third-Grade Journal By Ed Page

- - - - MAIN PAGE   |   ARCHIVES   Memories of Amanda Davis   Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST JOKES BY BRIAN BEATTY REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW SO YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT? DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS DISPATCHES FROM A HUMANITARIAN JOURNALIST DISPATCHES FROM IRAQ SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES PHILIP GRAHAM SPENDS A YEAR IN LISBON STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE NAPOLEONIC WARS AT THE MET KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE SONGS OF ENEMIES AND DESERTS: LIVING WITH THE SUDAN LIBERATION ARMY LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT WHAT IS THE WHAT ABOUT BOWL OF CHERRIES ABOUT COMEDY BY THE NUMBERS ABOUT JOHN BRANDON'S ARKANSAS ABOUT MICHAEL CHABON'S MAPS AND LEGENDS LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY DISPATCHES FROM THE NBA ENTERTAINMENT LEAGUE JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES B.R. COHEN'S ANNALS OF SCIENCE INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DISPATCHES FROM ROY KESEY, AN AMERICAN GUY MARRIED TO A PERUVIAN DIPLOMAT LIVING IN CHINA STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL