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Dave Eggers' The Wild Things is available for preorder, in regular hardcover and
limited-edition fur-covered.

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A N   I M M I G R A N T ' S   G U I D E T O   T R A N S L A T I N G A M E R I C A N   W O R K P L A C E S L A N G . BY JOHN LEARY - - - - Greetings new American Person! America is not the full of no-smile no-fun guys like you see in the movies. Also, they like to have good time. They have many speech points with color, for you here we've guided, below. Many of these parts will lift your ears with your new mates on the shift of your rewarding factory job. If you can find one! Ha-ha! "Shit rolls downhill." I lament the perceived inequalities of our capitalist system. "Payback's a bitch." Recompense may often seem unjust, but the world is a fair place. "Are you lookin' at me, Boat-boy?" Enough identity politics! "Life's a bitch and then you die." Death to bosses! "Life's a bitch and then you marry one." Death to bosses and bosses' wives! "I'm gonna open up a can of whoop-ass!" Pursuing this course may cause fisticuffs to follow (on your ass). "Money talks, bullshit walks." Our consumer commodity culture, though floating on a narrow raft in a sea of flim-flammery and hype, is not completely devoid of substance. "Work for the man, stick it to the man!" Honoring our elders can take many forms. "It's all good." I can respond in no other way but a meaningless platitude. "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." Oh, life! Sometimes the weight of existence is so great that I require non-prescription medication.     OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES: - - - - Things I've Been Thinking About By Colleen Werthmann On the Occasion, Give or Take, Of the Fiftieth Anniversary of the First Staging, In Paris, Of Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot, A Few Representative Selections from The Annotated Treasury of Waiting For Godot Parodies By Ben Greenman You Have Problems with Paper, I Have Paper and Paper-Product-Related Credentials…No Problem By Dan Kennedy McSweeney's Brain Exploder: Celebrity "Phil" in the Blank By Carlton Doby Another in a Series of Sex Stories that Lose Their Way By Lucy Thomas

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW AND HERE'S THE KICKER: MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE WINGS AT THE BALLET YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA ABOUT THANKS AND HAVE FUN RUNNING THE COUNTRY LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL