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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama.

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M c S W E E N E Y ' S B R A I N   E X P L O D E R : C E L E B R I T Y   S E X BY SEAN CARMAN EDITED BY CARLTON DOBY - - - - Match the celebrity with the reason you'd most like to sleep with them: 1. Shakira 2. Ted Koppel 3. Mighty Mouse 4. Kristy McNichol 5. The Flying Wallendas Answers: A. "Because there are eight of them, and they all have amazing balance and are very bendy." B. "To see if the carpet matches those red drapes." C. "Actually, if you could arrange a three-way with her and Beyonce, that would be outstanding. Do you know the right people? Could we set this up? I mean, if you can get the Flying Wallendas, this should be no problem, right?" D. "Because she was the most dangerous of the Apple's Way siblings, though she never really crossed any boundaries, now that I think about it. I think she may have smoked a cigarette without father Apple's permission once. That seemed pretty dangerous at the time. But then this was in 1974, and I was only 12. You know, maybe it was her bangs. The bangs, I guess. I guess it was the bangs." E. "That's disgusting." - - - - Now, the answer to the clue, "What a robot hammerhead thinks with" might be "SHARK A.I.," which is an anagram for Shakira. Rearrange letters in the names of the other four individuals featured in this week's Brain Exploder to find answers to the following clues. Each name will be used only once and the order in which the names appear in the above puzzle is not necessarily the order in which they will be used below. We will choose one person at random from respondents with the most correct answers to receive a McSweeney's book. Answers are due by noon, Friday, August 8th and, as always, should be sent to carltondoby@hotmail.com. 1. How you might suck up to a Japanese CEO dressed as William Wallace for Halloween. 2. Where you can find a good deal on bulk seaweed. 3. Prediction your Irish buddy won't like French Impressionist. 4. Terse command for your tailor. - - - - Click here for the answers to last week's Brain Exploder.     OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES: - - - - Shakespeare's Interrogatories, Or Why He Wanted to Kill All the Lawyers by By Mike Warner and Michael Pardo Stalking Gordon Willis by Chris McCoy Great Films of the Cinematic Canon: Reviewed By Pasha Malla Reader, Hear Me Yearn: Revolving Paint Dream's "In the Afternoon" By Susan E. Thomas McSweeney's Brain Exploder: "And Stay Tuned for St. Thomas Morgantown!" By Carlton Doby

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS NON-ESSENTIAL MNEMONICS BITCHSLAP: A COLUMN ABOUT WOMEN AND FIGHTING DISPATCHES FROM A GUY TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY TO SELL A SONG IN NASHVILLE GLOBAL WAR ON BEDBUGS: LETTERS FROM BEDBUG CITY THE CONFLICTED EXISTENCE OF A FEMALE PORN WRITER OH MY GAWD: A COLUMN ABOUT A TEENAGER NAVIGATING RELIGION DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM AN INDIAN CASINO THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST CHRIS WHITE ANSWERS PROFOUND QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS REPORTS FROM THE PINBALL SCENE LETTERS FROM THE HELLBOX NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR SPECTATOR AT AMATEUR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTS B.R. COHEN'S DAYS AT THE MUSEUM CONVERSATIONS AT A WARTIME CAFÉ AND HERE'S THE KICKER: MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS GRANT MUNROE'S CORPORATE FOLKTALES SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE ABOUT THE WILD THINGS ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT FEVER CHART ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT ZEITOUN LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM TRAVELING EUROPE IN STYLE WITH AUCKLAND DINGIROO, DARK-AGE TOURIST AND CRITIC OF FOOD AND DRINK JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL