- - - -
Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama.
- - - -
COMPILED BY ANN GUINEY AND AUDREY HARRIS - - - - INTRODUCTION: THE DAYS OF THE NIBLUNGS, NOTE 6 Gen. 6: 11-12. God's solution, the Great Flood, like the activities of an insect exterminator, might have removed any number of vermin, but this morning's newspaper reminds me that the achievement was temporary. ON THE AESTHETICS OF WEAPONS, NOTE 8 And those unfortunate enough to live in war zones, while they might be even more prone to admire weapons, as some do, will also of course tranquilize themselves with peace. I remember one Sarajevo bar "protected" by irregulars, where bad music still played and they still had booze, the girls were laughing and it was packed. The waitress rushed about, the tray of empty glasses held tight against her tits. In the mid-afternoon that bar seemed only fashionably dark because it was crowded and because the neon sign still worked (perhaps there was a generator for that) although the toilet didn't. Cognac in glasses caught the neon. A fighter from America who had already gotten two bullets in the leg and shrapnel in the nose sat making eyes at the girls. The other soldiers were doing the same. Their dark baseball caps and dark bulletproof vests seemed almost fashionable; they matched the women's shoes and the borders of their jackets. The guns were there, just there; they weren't interesting to anybody. We sat drinking cognac, not wanting to finish our business because just outside the high courtyard some people had no water to drink and because it was necessary to run across the street on account of snipers. We all heard machine-gun fire and pretended that we didn't. DEFENSE OF HONOR, NOTE 214 Abbot and Carter, p. 1. After his first beating, a counselor told him: "You better fight next time. I'm not here to baby-sit you" (p. 8). DEFENSE OF AUTHORITY, NOTE 32 As always, the Ik people take a path of their own, too hungry, listless, and atomized to bother employing gang violence; it is sufficient for them to laugh while snatching food from a dying relative's mouth. DEFENSE OF RACE AND CULTURE, NOTE 220 As in the U.N. pullout from Somalia a century later (see "Let Me Know If You're Scared"), the strategy was to declare an implausible victory once the occupier was sufficiently exhausted. DEFENSE OF RACE AND CULTURE, NOTE 346 In the inimitable words of the former Opium King, Khun Sa: "When someone else farts, you are all too willing to say it's got a pleasant smell. But you refuse to listen when one of your own people speaks. Just let me ask you who you are?" (Khun Sa, p. 56, "National Unity"). DEFENSE OF HOMELAND, NOTE 5 Some examples: In wartime Serbia I've seen a leather boutique displaying nothing but pistol holsters. In Indonesia, a full-window display of tampons and sanitary napkins. In France (never in India!), smoked carcasses in the butcher's window. In Mexico, rolls of tanned goatskins tightly stacked; to see what one really looks like, you must persuade a clerk. In Thailand, the King's portrait everywhere. DEFENSE OF HOMELAND, NOTE 127 This moral algebra can be expressed as follows:
DEFENSE OF THE EARTH, NOTE 130 Just in case I haven't made myself clear, I am opposed to almost everything. KICKIN' IT, NOTE 5 Reptile got his nickname from his mother because he went through a phase of wearing only green. Gremlin's street name rhymed with his Khmer name. In Kentfield, one boy's Cambodian nickname meant "stinky" because his armpits always smelled; he didn't seem a bit ashamed of that moniker. I'M ESPECIALLY INTERESTED IN YOUNG GIRLS, NOTE 40 Opium is a very common ingredient in folk medicines in this region—another reason why the pretty poppy will never become extinct. One cure for baldness involves rubbing on the crown of the head a mixture of raw opium and bamboo juice. Whether it works or not, I'll bet that it feels good. THE WET MAN IS NOT AFRAID OF RAIN, NOTE 11 When the soldiers asked who we were, the driver always tactfully told them I was French. In civilian cases I always threw off the driver's good intentions and pointed to myself, announcing, "USA!", but in the case of soldiers I kept submissively quiet. ANNEXES, NOTE 71 "The actual experience of revolution is essentially a corrective to lagging social and political adjustments and a painful learning process of trial and (mostly) error." — Colburn, p. 10. This statement is also true of political and nonpolitical life in general.
OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
World of Hurt By Ronnie Cordova B.R. Cohen's Annals of Science — Volume II By B.R. Cohen Eight Strategies for Modern Living By Charles Ullmann Butterball Help-Line Help-Line By Alysia Gray Painter Bazooka Joseph Speaks By Ken Krimstein |
Red dot denotes content that is new today.
Black dot denotes newish content.