Some Lists, Grouped Together. - - - - DISSERTATION TITLES THAT SUGGEST THE AUTHOR WAS PREOCCUPIED WITH OTHER ISSUES AT THE TIME OF WRITING. By Zhubin Parang From Anaphase to Telophase: The Complex Steps of Cell Separation, None of Which, Incidentally, Involve Divorce Lawyers Various Expressions of Human Cognitive Ability: Why There Are Many Ways to Measure Intelligence Besides LSAT Scores, Stanford The Birth of Jury Trials: A Complete Translation of Lord Mansfield's Trial Notes, for Which I Will Finally Earn My Father's Respect Bond Rates as a Function of Market Equilibrium: Please, God, Don't Let Me Be Pregnant Multiracial Community Development at a Crossroads: The Effect of—Aw, Fuck, What's the Point? Experiential Deviations in Quantum—SWEET JESUS, THE KITCHEN IS ON FIRE! - - - - INAPPROPRIATE "DO IT" SLOGANS. By Jeremy Martin Cardiologists do it 'til your heart stops. Poison Control Hotline operators do it 'til you puke. Catholic priests do it 'til you hit puberty. Vice presidents do it from an undisclosed location. Trekkies do it 'til their mom comes home. Donkey anesthesiologists do it 'til your ass falls asleep. - - - - RECENT OCCURRENCES AT OWL CREEK BRIDGE. By Lucas Klauss Man in hunting cap peed off side of bridge, laughed at sound of urine hitting moving water. Teenage couple smoked marijuana next to bridge, dared each other to walk out onto bridge, made out for 35 minutes. Self-styled town historian related facts about bridge to 8-year-old son, who complained he wanted to "go to Bobby's house." Plank of rotted wood fell from bridge into water below. Man taking nature walk stopped by bridge, pondered possibility of someone being hanged from bridge falling into water, narrowly escaping execution, then realizing he had made it up in his own mind seconds before his death. Man taking nature walk then realized if he didn't start walking again fairly soon he would miss rerun of Becker. Man continued taking nature walk. Different plank of rotted wood dangled and fell from bridge into water below. - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - Some Lists, Grouped Together Effective Application Strategies for Mrs. Schobel's Morning-Recess Dodgeball By Chris Guthrie Explaining Novelty T-shirts to My Mom By Pasha Malla Your Mother and I By Dave Eggers How Past Girlfriends Could Have Changed History By Brian Sack

- - - - MAIN PAGE   |   ARCHIVES   Memories of Amanda Davis   Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST JOKES BY BRIAN BEATTY REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW SO YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT? DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS DISPATCHES FROM A HUMANITARIAN JOURNALIST DISPATCHES FROM IRAQ SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES PHILIP GRAHAM SPENDS A YEAR IN LISBON STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE NAPOLEONIC WARS AT THE MET KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE SONGS OF ENEMIES AND DESERTS: LIVING WITH THE SUDAN LIBERATION ARMY LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT WHAT IS THE WHAT ABOUT BOWL OF CHERRIES ABOUT COMEDY BY THE NUMBERS ABOUT JOHN BRANDON'S ARKANSAS ABOUT MICHAEL CHABON'S MAPS AND LEGENDS LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY DISPATCHES FROM THE NBA ENTERTAINMENT LEAGUE JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES B.R. COHEN'S ANNALS OF SCIENCE INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DISPATCHES FROM ROY KESEY, AN AMERICAN GUY MARRIED TO A PERUVIAN DIPLOMAT LIVING IN CHINA STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL