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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama.

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A N N A L S   O F   S C I E N C E , V O L U M E   I V : T H E   S A L A D   D A Y S O F   G E N E T I C S . BY B.R. COHEN - - - - The Inappropriate Appropriation of the Discovery of the Structure of DNA as Dramatized in a Dialogue Between Waitress and Patron at T.G.I. Friday’s. The Cast JAMES WATSON, wisecracking 25-year-old American, recently arrived in England FRANCIS CRICK, British counterpart; not as ably cast as, say, Colin Firth; married; more sedate, but getting a giggly rush out of his new sidekick ROSALIND FRANKLIN, quiet, self-assured crystallographer with no patience for Honest Jim’s irritating flirty brilliance, nor any desire to go halfsies on the research. Also, she speaks French. MAURICE WILKINS. He’s this other guy. DR. JOYCE BROTHERS, quasi-therapist and pseudo-cultural commentator. She is not involved in this case. The Immediate Background Rosy was a skilled X-ray diffracter, snapping the shots that likely clarified the double-helix structure of DNA while Jim and Francis were out tinkering ad nauseam with so many helices they were actually—God’s honest truth (actually, no)—nauseous. They’d been trying to outwit the older, more famous, more likely discoverer, Linus Pauling, in a race to nail this thing down. Jim and Francis sort of, how do we say, pilfered the pics from Rosy’s lab, kept it on the QT, and skated to everlasting fame. She died of cancer shortly thereafter, and Watson and Crick took the Nobel, without her, in 1962. By the bye, Jim’s tell-all, The Double Helix, is a smidgen less than gracious toward the altogether reputable Dr. Franklin. And so we present, for wide release ... THE DOUBLE-HELIX DISCOVERY: A PLAY IN ONE ACT. Setting: T.G.I. Friday’s, the one off Wabash Ave., south side Soundtrack: Hootie’s Greatest FRANKLIN: Hi, I’m Rosalind Franklin and I’ll be your discoverer of the structure of DNA today. Can I start you guys off with an appetizer, or some drinks? WATSON AND CRICK: No, thanks, but can we get some of those X-ray diffraction slides you have pinned to your suspenders? FRANKLIN: No. (Exeunt.) - - - - B.R. Cohen's Annals of Science, Volume I B.R. Cohen's Annals of Science, Volume II B.R. Cohen's Annals of Science, Volume III   OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - The North Korean State News Service Picks Up On Less Globally Relevant American News By Andrew Golden Liberty Dogs (Part II): A Follow-Up to an Excerpt from Paul Collins's Not Even Wrong By Paul Collins Liberty Dogs: An Excerpt from Paul Collins's Not Even Wrong By Paul Collins Playlists on Dick Cheney's iPod By Ryan Boudinot Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems with Paper By Dan Kennedy

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS NON-ESSENTIAL MNEMONICS BITCHSLAP: A COLUMN ABOUT WOMEN AND FIGHTING DISPATCHES FROM A GUY TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY TO SELL A SONG IN NASHVILLE GLOBAL WAR ON BEDBUGS: LETTERS FROM BEDBUG CITY THE CONFLICTED EXISTENCE OF A FEMALE PORN WRITER OH MY GAWD: A COLUMN ABOUT A TEENAGER NAVIGATING RELIGION DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM AN INDIAN CASINO THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST CHRIS WHITE ANSWERS PROFOUND QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS REPORTS FROM THE PINBALL SCENE LETTERS FROM THE HELLBOX NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR SPECTATOR AT AMATEUR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTS B.R. COHEN'S DAYS AT THE MUSEUM CONVERSATIONS AT A WARTIME CAFÉ AND HERE'S THE KICKER: MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS GRANT MUNROE'S CORPORATE FOLKTALES SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE ABOUT THE WILD THINGS ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT FEVER CHART ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT ZEITOUN LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM TRAVELING EUROPE IN STYLE WITH AUCKLAND DINGIROO, DARK-AGE TOURIST AND CRITIC OF FOOD AND DRINK JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL