Through this Friday, all available back issues of Wholphin are half off—10 bucks apiece for countless warm evenings of rare films, featuring Miranda July, Paul Rudd, Donald Trump, and a monkey-faced eel. - - - -

Tuesday List Terrificness: War on Terror Edition. - - - - MOST POPULAR PERFORMERS ON AN IRAQI INSURGENCY VARIETY SHOW. By Ken Budd Sunni and Cher Weird Al Sadr Sid and Martyr Krofft Bozo the Clown Who Will Repel the American Invaders Saddam DeLuise The Jihadi Muppets Jon bin Jovi The Death to the Infidels Dancers - - - - SENTENCES AND SHORT DIALOGUES INCORPORATING NAMES OF COUNTRIES IN THE MIDDLE EAST. By Michael Degnan "IRAN eight miles this morning." "I'm on crutches because I got in JORDAN a basketball game." "You coming to the party tomorrow night?" "YEMEN." "We're headed to IRAQ concert." "ISRAEL Madrid going to release David Beckham?" "That carny game was a waste of money!" "Yeah, EGYPT us." "You got a 179 on the LSATs? OMAN you're an asshole." "I bet we're going to invade SYRIA next." - - - - FEATURED ATTRACTIONS AT THIS YEAR'S DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY PEP RALLY. By Audrey Ference Hazard-Mitigation Bake Sale and Raffle Popsicle-Stick Gas-Mask Contest The Preparedness Dancers Meet-and-Greet Department of Homeland Spirit Sprinkles Celebrate the Rainbow! Security Advisory Continuing Lecture Series Moon Bounce Tom Ridge's Wacky Balloon-Animal Hour Coalition of the Dance Party with D.J. Don't Be Scared, Be Prepared USA Patriot Act Beach-Towel Giveaway, Sponsored by Mountain Dew Red Alert Cola - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - Tuesday List Terrificness: War on Terror Edition The Exploding Boy By Nick Parker If Henny Youngman Had Played Hamlet By Michael Fowler Why I Am Leaving the Troupe By Brian Sack What's (So) Funny About Peace, Love, and Understanding By Eric Silver

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