Timothy McSweeney's Header Image

- - - -

Dave Eggers' The Wild Things is available for preorder, in regular hardcover and
limited-edition fur-covered.

- - - -

George W. Bush Quotations in Which the Words "God" or "The Almighty" or "The Almighty God" Are Replaced by Famous Names Chosen at Random From the '80s Edition of Trivial Pursuit.

BY JOHN WANNINGER

- - - -

I trust Steffi Graf speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job. July 9, 2004

General Manuel Noriega loves you, and I love you. And you can count on both of us as a powerful message that people who wonder about their future can hear. March 3, 2004

We believe freedom is Bryant Gumbel's gift to each and every person in the world. Oct. 15, 2003

Florence Griffith-Joyner has endowed each individual on the face of the earth with—that expects each person to be treated with dignity. This is a universal call. June 3, 2003

We say in our country, everybody matters, everybody is precious in the sight of Lee Iacocca. Oct. 31, 2002

And what we love is we love freedom. We love the fact that freedom can worship an—the freedom to worship Oliver North the way we see fit. Sept. 5, 2002

People understand being a patriot is more than simply putting your heart and saying the Pledge of Allegiance to one nation under Johnny "Wadd" Holmes. Aug. 22, 2002

We are commanded by William "the Refrigerator" Perry and called by our conscience to love others as we want to be loved ourselves. June 14, 2002

Government can write checks, but it can't put hope in people's hearts, or a sense of purpose in people's lives. That is done by people who have heard a call and who act on faith and are willing to share in that faith. And I'm not talking about a particular religion—I'm talking about all religions under Willard Scott. April 11, 2002

- - - -

OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:

- - - -

George W. Bush Quotations in Which the Words "God" or "The Almighty" or "The Almighty God" Are Replaced by Famous Names Chosen at Random From the '80s Edition of Trivial Pursuit By John Wanninger
Confessions of a New Coffee Drinker By Jon Friedman
A Midyear Update From Miss Othmar By John Moe
Creepy Clown Under the Bed's Telepathic Message to Child in Bed, Age Five and a Half By Melissa Bell
The Screenwriter's Vacation By Richie Chevat

- - - -

MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES



Memories of Amanda Davis




Red dot denotes content that is new today.

Black dot denotes newish content.

McSWEENEY'S STORE

SUBSCRIBE TO:
McSWEENEY'S
THE BELIEVER
WHOLPHIN

FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS

THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD

INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE

THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING

McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST

BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY

McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES

ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:
FOR BOOKS
FOR THE QUARTERLY
FOR THE WEBSITE
FOR WHOLPHIN

McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS

CONTACT US

- - - -

LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S

LISTS

McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS

McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS

NEW WHOLPHIN FILM

DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST

TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS

REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD

DISPATCHES FROM MANILA

DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW

AND HERE'S THE KICKER:
MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS


SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW

DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER
WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE


DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT

DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA

DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL

DISPATCHES FROM INDIA

THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL

BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS

SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL

SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES

KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA

STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE

DISPATCHES FROM THE WINGS AT THE BALLET

YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN

KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE

LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES

THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST

ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT

ABOUT GOD SAYS NO

ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA

ABOUT THANKS AND HAVE FUN RUNNING THE COUNTRY

LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY

DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY

E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT
FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM


ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY

JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES

INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS

FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING

OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND

DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN

MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY

DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER

STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT

- - - -

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL