SELECTIONS FROM
BOOKS REMOVED FROM
MY SMALL CANADIAN
UNIVERSITY'S LIBRARY
COLLECTION THAT,
WHILE ENTERTAINING,
WERE NO LONGER
CONSIDERED RELEVANT
TO THE UNDERGRADUATE
CURRICULUM.
- - - -
Cigarettes in the Making,
published in 1950 by Imperial Tobacco Company
of Canada Ltd.
"As the tobacco slumbers, it mellows—except in winter when, like some other living things, it remains dormant. As it lies there wrapped in its golden dream it mellows and grows sweet. It distils its memories of spring rains and summer suns into stored richness. It makes ready for that final moment when, crowning a well-spent life with a good deed, it will breathe out its soul upon the air in an odour of sanctity."
- - - -
The Art of Brewing ... at MOLSON'S,
published in 1968 by Molson's Brewery Quebec Ltd.
"The Reception Room is always a highlight of a visit to Molson's. Polished tile floors and vaulted ceilings echo the atmosphere of an 18th century tavern. The large open fireplace and the jolly Molson tapman behind the old oak bar all contribute to the atmosphere of true hospitality."
- - - -
The Land Above, the Ore Below,
published in 1970 by the International Nickel Company of Canada
"The back side of the moon ... Pittsburgh without the orchestra ... Most Sudburians have learned to accept such slurs on their community in a spirit of good humor, although not a few proud citizens, pushed beyond their limits of endurance, have been known to
'blow their stacks' when hearing an outsider compare their home to a hinterland."
- - - -
The VD Handbook,
published in 1977 by Montreal Health Press Inc.
"In gynecological training, the medical student hears his clinical teachers contemptuously refer to women of all ages as 'girls' who 'urinate once a day, defecate once a week, menstruate once a month, partuate (give birth) one a year and copulate at any conceivable moment'."
- - - -
Understanding Calculator Math,
published in 1978 by Texas Instruments Incorporated
"This book was designed to work together with your calculator to open up all its secrets and let you have more complete access to its power."
"Remember, too, that although your calculator is packed with the latest in state-of-the-art solid state technology, it needs love and respect, as well as occasional use as a toy. Don't be afraid to play with it."
- - - -
How to Improve Your Racquetball:
Winning Techniques From the Stars,
published in 1979 by Hal Leighton Printing Company
"In the past, people who desired to learn more about the game were held back by the lack of a good basic text."
- - - -
PROSTHETICS YES—BIONICS MAYBE???,
published in 1980 by IPSO
"The film is called: PROSTHETICS YES—BIONICS MAYBE??? Certainly the film amply demonstrates that there is no shortage of new appliances or techniques,
to make the role of the amputee a little easier if he can wear a prosthesis. Hence the first part of the title,—very positively—PROSTHETICS YES."
- - - -
Steelmaking and the Environment,
published in 1980 by Bethlehem Steel
Some people "point an accusing finger at industry as the culprit who is responsible for it all. Not so."
"The first polluter was nature."
"If, at times, a housewife becomes appalled at the way dust collects in her home, she'd be overwhelmed by the dust generated at one of our plants."
- - - -
OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
- - - -
Selections From Books Removed From My Small Canadian University's Library Collection That, While Entertaining, Were No Longer Considered Relevant to the Undergraduate Curriculum By G. Camper
The Ballad of Matt Harrigon, Pinewood Derby Winner By Nick Confalone
Issue 17 Is Here, and Is Troubling Certain Authorities
Doctor Doom for Homecoming King By Matt Cody
Dealing With an Ex-Nazi Neighbor By Jim Stallard
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