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Just in time for Valentine's Day,
the Guardian in London has
reviewed and raved about
The Secret Language of Sleep.
And, for the rest of the week,
you can buy it for $5!
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Dispatches From Couples Therapy.BY WENDY MOLYNEUX AND JEFF DRAKE- - - - Session One DR. MANSFIELD: OK, we're going to start with a very simple exercise. Jeff, I want you to fill in the blank. In order to make this relationship better, I could ... JEFF: Um, listen more? DR. MANSFIELD: Great. Listening is always good. OK, now, Wendy, I— Wow. WENDY: Yes? DR. MANSFIELD: Sorry, it's just that I really like the color of that sweater. It's very nice. WENDY: Thank you. JEFF: Yeah, you look great. DR. MANSFIELD: Nice try, Jeff. Session Two DR. MANSFIELD: OK, Jeff. Fill in the blank. The best thing about Wendy is her ... JEFF: Smile. DR. MANSFIELD: Try again. JEFF: Eyes? DR. MANSFIELD: (makes buzzer sound) JEFF: Sense of humor. DR. MANSFIELD: The correct answer is tits. Session Three DR. MANSFIELD: So let's try a little fill in the blank, Jeff. When I get ... JEFF: Are we ever going to do anything but fill in the blanks? DR. MANSFIELD: I'm sorry, did you graduate magna cum laude from Stanford? JEFF: No, but I was just asking— DR. MANSFIELD: Or maybe you have the No. 3 book on the New York Times nonfiction bestseller list? JEFF: I'm sorry. I spoke out of turn. DR. MANSFIELD: I'll say you did. Just fill in the blank. JEFF: OK. DR. MANSFIELD: When I get a prostitute, it's because Wendy doesn't ... JEFF: Wait. I've never gotten a prostitute. DR. MANSFIELD: Please just do the exercise. When I waste money on hookers, it's because Wendy isn't ... JEFF: This is ridiculous. DR. MANSFIELD: You're ridiculous. Session Four DR. MANSFIELD: OK, today we are going to try some role-playing. JEFF: Oh, no. DR. MANSFIELD: OK, Wendy, you are going to be a Wild West saloon girl and I'll be a cowboy. Let's begin. JEFF: Wait, what am I? DR. MANSFIELD: You're a monkey. JEFF: Why am I a monkey? DR. MANSFIELD: Tsk tsk. Do monkeys talk? JEFF: Sorry. DR. MANSFIELD: OK, now, Wendy, come over here and sit on my lap. JEFF: No way. DR. MANSFIELD: I'm a lonely cowboy, and I haven't seen a woman in months. How about a kiss, beer wench? JEFF: OK, cowboys don't say "wench." That's just historically inaccurate. DR. MANSFIELD: Please pardon my monkey. He keeps yowling. And he's a liar. WENDY: That's OK. He's cute! DR. MANSFIELD: No, he's not. He smells. He doesn't make very much money. And, apparently, he doesn't own anything other than cargo pants. JEFF: That's it. We're leaving. DR. MANSFIELD: Wait. No! Let's try another one! I'm a priest and Wendy's a choirgirl and Jeff is a stupid fucking idiot. Session Five WENDY: So, Mr. Stanley— DR. STANLEY: Dr. Stanley. WENDY: Sorry. Anyway, Doctor, we were a little less than satisfied with our last therapist. JEFF: He broke into our apartment and stole a bunch of Wendy's underwear. DR. STANLEY: You're angry, Jeff. And that's OK. That's healthy. It's also powerful, manly, and hot. JEFF: Um, thanks? DR. STANLEY: Does anyone mind if I take off my pants? - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - Dispatches From Couples Therapy By Wendy Molyneux and Jeff DrakeMedical Case Histories on Mount Olympus By Jim Stallard Three Lists Involving Musical Artists Thursday and Empire: or, How a Typical Workday Can Seem More Important When Modeled As a Great Era in Western Civilization By Vince LiCata An Open Letter to Shrink-Wrap By Christopher Dazey |
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